country road, take me home ...

well, it has been almost two months since I wrote at here last time. I just finished a very busy quarter. Tonight (I don't know whether I should say yesterday or today since it's 3am now and I am still here) I finished grading of one final exam at midnight. Thanks to my friend Eric, I can leave proctoring and grading of the other exam to him. I just updated my teaching webpage and also my homepage to say happy holiday to all my students and friends. If you happenly read this post, then my greeting is also sent to you.

Six hours later I will wake up and go to airport. From there I will return my homeland. I am sorry to my parents that I have been away from them for a very long time. I know that they are missing me very much but this time I need to go Beijing and Hangzhou first for a couple of days, before I go back home to be with them. I am missing my parents, brother and sister too.

Am I excited now because of going back home? Not exactly. I am not sure why I am still here instead of sleeping. I just found that I have many things to do before I lay down on bed.

I will stay in Beijing for three days and my schedule at there is almost full now. I need to meet with my friends such as my college classmates and my teachers, also of course, my godmother there. I also need to help my friends at here to sent their gifts to their family or friends from Beijing. And I also need to do some shopping, for my friends and I. I just bring a few sets of clothes this time since I want to buy some new ones in China, to update my closet.

Today (or yesterday, whatever, Tuesday) my advisor sent me an email about one new idea on research. I am sorry that I didnt get his email in time that I miss the meeting he asked. From him I know that to be a good or famous scholar you need to be unique: he even think about research few hours before he leaving for a conference travel. He always works so hard and a lot of new idea came out from his genius brain. It's my fourth year studying at here with him but I just learned a little so far. I need to work much harder to obtain more training. I hope that after this vacation I will start a brand new life.

Ok, it's time for sleeping. I will be in China in 24 hours. Hope that everything goes as smooth as I wish.

And happy holiday to all my friends.

back home

I just purchased the airticket for this winter trip. It's so expensive since my itinerary is in the hot season. If I can leave one week earlier or ten days later, I will save about $300 on the ticket. But it seems I don't have many choices.

My friends told me that I should regret for my decision of being TA at this quarter. I know that. Being a TA in this quarter means: lower salary (as RA I can get the highest rank of salary but as TA what I get is lowest rank), very busy and tough work (more than half-time since one class is about double of the regular capacity and the other is also full), non-flexible time schedule (which directly makes my winter vacation not flexible), boss unsatisfied (since I can't concentrate on my research completely), other students unsatisfied (since I took the position), etc. But it's my decision. I wanted to gather one more quarter teaching experience and hoped that it will help for my future work.

I felt so tired these weeks since I was so busy. Many works including my research and teaching are waiting for me. Last Sunday I spent whole day for homework grading and class notes preparation. Yes I was a little regretful when I was exhausted and when I found that the airticket is so expensive. But I cannot blame anyone or regret for any chance. What I can do is to stay firm with my choice and fulfil all the work in this quarter well. Hope that I can do that.

Boss told me that I can attend one conference in China during my vacation. But he won't support for my airfare from here to China. I didn't expect much to get the money. He said that I can get reimbursement for the airticket in China if I take American airline. But it's hard for me. So I may pay all the expense by myself. It's bad to be poor, since otherwise I will not care about the expense at all.

I chose to fly to Shanghai. It's close to my hometown. But I will also go to Beijing for a while. I plan to visit my godmother and my graduate advisor and some old friends as well in Beijing. When I thought about the coming travel back to my hometown and Beijing, I was not very excited, but somehow with a strange feeling. Maybe it's similar with a Chinese saying that "I am more and more afraid when I am getting closer and closer to the home". I miss my parents very much. And I also miss the time I spent in Beijing. I had been in Beijing for seven years and I went back to it after my first year at USA. I had so many memories with Beijing but I just couldn't recall them any more. When I was in Beijing that summer after one week, I felt lonely in my heart. It may sound rediculous to other people. But it was true. I couldn't find myself in that busy city. When I came back from Beijing to here at last time, I couldn't help tearing on the plane, since I was leaving my homeland to another country for a new life. I was so emotional at that time. Time goes by and everyday is new to me now.

Hope that I can finish all my work before my travel and then I can be free to enjoy the holiday. I am looking forward to seeing my parents and friends in China now.

visa

too busy to record.

I went to Tijuana on Friday and renewed my visa. It's simple for me at this time. My math background and luck helped me to get it easily. Now I need to plan my winter vacation to China.

teaching day

I just finished my teaching today. It's a full day work. tired ...

2a, finished two sections homework. one more to go for first assignment.
9:30a, meeting with the instructor, discussing the course, class and student performance etc.;
10a/11a, class 1;
11a/1p, office hours; in fact I finished at 1:20p;
lunch;
2p/3p, class 2.

It's the first week of this quarter and second week of my teaching and first week of office hours in this quarter. Many students came to the office hours and I didn't stop for a minute. It seems (and I strongly believe) that the homework assignment is too much for the students. They need to finish more than 20 problems each week. And it's upper division course, which is not easy for the students. Some students complained to me. But what I can is only giving some feedback to the instructors since it's them determined the homework assignment.

In the evaluation of my last teaching, the students gave me good points. But some of them complained that my teaching is too fast for them. I used 20 minutes biweekly for the quiz and I didn't have enough time for teaching my stuff. This time I am trying to slow down and explain everything in detail. But it seems that the time is still too short for my teaching. I will try to teaching less in the class and write more in the notes, with which the students can preview/review by themselves.

It's a busy and tired day. Now I need to come back for my own work.

Weekend and Monday

Yesterday:

Finally I activated my cable internet and I can get connected at home. It's so bad to send email with attachment through dial-up. But I used dial-up for more than two years and I didn't complain about the slow speed at that time. Well, it just proved again the words: easy to get used to a rich life from poor life, but hard to get used to a poor life from a rich one.

My cell phone plan expired at yesterday. I haven't decided which plan I will buy for future. At most time, cellphone is just a watch and alarm to me. But I think I can't get rid of it now.

Today:

Monday, work at school again. I met with the instructor of my TA class. He told me that it may not be legal to release the homework solutions online. But last Fall I did in that way and the instructor of that class also released some solutions to the homework assignments. I don't think it's illegal. After lunch I created the webpage for the two classes I will teach from this Thursday. I haven't started to prepare the notes for the classes. But usually in the first week (in fact, this is 0th week), I don't need to teach many in the class, because the students haven't taken any lecture classes before my class in 0th week.

Oops, I forgot to get back my I20. It's ready now. Go le.

TA assignment and etc.

I got the new TA assignment. Thanks to the help of Eric, I exchanged one class with him and I will teach two ODE classes in the coming Fall quarter. It will help me to save time in preparation. I will be busier next quarter, so the new assignment will be perfect for me.

I applied for Comcast cable TV and high speed internet. They may be ready in next week. Without internet, the life at home is different. But it doesn't affect me much. I has been so tired these days in the moving and applying services and many other work. The research duty is also heavy. I need to work harder. Last two nights I went to bed before midnight. For me, it's a early time for sleeping. So tired.

Jason and Linda moved into the new office yesterday. Now we have seven people share the new office at IPAM. I will keep the office at MS since I need to hold my office hour as TA at there. That office was crowdy since my officemate was so nice to students that he gave them lots of extra office hours. I couldn't concentrate myself in that office. That's one of the reasons I moved to IPAM.

It's weekend again. Time flies so fast. Tomorrow I will go to Santa Babara to visit a friend and his family. He was my college classmate and he went studying abroad after getting his bachelor degree. He is an assistant professor at UCSB now. Some of my college classmates are postdoc or assistant professors now. I am behind.

two things this afternoon

1. reserved an appointment for visa renewal at Mexico on Oct. 15th. somebody from UCLA will go to there at the same day.

2. got the TA assignment. same as last Fall, ODE and Numerical Analysis. I may talk with my friend and try to change NA with his ODE, so that I can teach one course only.

new address

I have moved to the new apartment. Oh, maybe I should say new address, since the apt is about 30 years old, not new. It's repainted, clean, and spacious. Not bad. The three things I am not satisfied are: the dirty laundary, small mailbox, and no fan in the kitchen.

Moving is a big project and now it's almost finished. I applied the new accounts for the gas, power, phone. I'm looking for the deal of cable tv and broadband. The life without internet is a little strange to me since I am used to living with internet, or maybe worse, addict to it. Today I sent out some rebate forms with the new address on it. And I submitted the address change in post office, updated address info for all the credit cards and etc. There're still many things I need to do, such as submitting AR-11 form, changing address in DMV, notifing my friends for the address change, etc.

But the most difficult part has already been done. It's not easy to move all the boxes, furnitures, and especially the heavy refrigerator. My previous roommate left here 21 boxes books, unbelivable lots of kitchen stuff, and bunch of kid's stuff. Thanks to the effort of my roommates and two good friends and the god, everything went smoothly. I was worried about how to put all of the stuffs in the apt since we don't have gated garage any more, but finally everything found its palce. When I was laying on my big bed (thanks to Wei Zhu for this gift), I felt so relaxed: hum, this is my new place now.

The new quarter is coming. I haven't received the assignment for the TA work. But I'm hopefully to teach ODE again. I prepared detail notes last Fall when I taught this course. It will help me to save time and be more efficiently. I want to be a good TA, that's why I choose TAship this quarter instead of RAship. Hope that I will have enough time and energy on both my teaching and research. I am working in a new office which is close to the office of my advisor. It "helps to keep me pushed".

New address, new quarter, new beginning.

911

Today:

(1) the 3rd anniversary of Sept. 11.

(2) I am moving out of the place where I have been for 33 months to a new place. It's hard to say goodbye ... I haven't applied telephone and cable TV and internet for the the new apartment. I'll have a life away from internet at this weekend.

going home

My friend told me that she booked one airticket to China today. I am also thinking about going back home this winter. And it's time to book the ticket for affordable price.

I planed several times before for the travel back to home. But, I changed all of the plans. My young sister told me in kidding: "don't tell us that you plan to come back in the coming holiday, you have already made us disappointed too many times". My bad ...

Now I am seriously thinking of the travel in this winter. I can not get every thing as good as I expected. In the verse, many things are not good to me. I will be TA in Fall quarter so I can't leave early (possible, if the instructors allow me to ask my friends work as me temporarily, but too complicated). The Fall quarter will end at Dec 17th, which is Friday. And I may only be able to leave from Dec 18th. The airticket will be expensive since it's close to X'mas. And the worse is that the holiday will be very short. The Winter quarter will start from Jan 6th. But I plan to come back a little later, if I will be RA in winter as scheduled.

Another thing is about visa renewal. I am not sure whether I can find someone else going together to TJ to renew the visa. If not, I have to renew it in China. And I may go to Beijing or Guangzhou or Shanghai. I haven't decided my destination yet. I am not worry much about the possibility of being checked in visa renewal, but if I go to renew in China, I have to spend several days in another city before I go back home. The holiday will be even shorter.

So many things are undetermined. But no matter what will happen, I will go back home this time. My advisor told me at last month after he came back from a conference in China: you should go back to take a look, China has changed a lot. I know it. And I don't want to make my parents and friends disappointed again. After I graduate and start working, I will have even less chance to go back China, not only because of the length of holiday period, but also because of the difficulty of renewing visa for Chinese.

I am planning to set down my schedule and book the airticket soon.

three years ago

I arrived LAX at noon of Sept. 7th. Wow, I have already been in USA for three years. But I cannot say how much I have learned at here. I was just lazy and I didn't work hard enough.

At that summer I missed the summer school which started from August. It's a review course for the new Basic exam. I thought the exam is just piece of cake for me. But I didn't eat it well. I failed at the first time since I didn't prepare well and most of the questions are from my freshman courses. What a shame that I failed in such an easy exam. I dared not tell my friends. It's good that finally I passed it with a high score at the second chance.

There's an earthquake at the second day after I came here. I am not sure whether my first SPEAK exam is on Sept. 11th or 12th. It should be on 11th since no one worked on 12th. Sept. 11th, what a special date. I still remember that in the morning I called my friend in China as usual and was told: TWO PLANES CRASHED INTO THE WTC!!! Astonished? Not at the beginning. I just couldn't believe it. How could I? I turned on the TV. All the channels were in live show. Astonished! I woke up the other two roommates and we were all shocked. I went to school and then took the exam. I was not nervous in the exam at all since I knew I would fail in the first try, as my friends told me. I remembered that after the exam I sent an email in media room of the library.

It happened three years ago. I have been here for three years. No time can be reversed. But when I look back into the past, some of them seem to happen just at yesterday. Last night I watched CNN. It was broadcasting the terrorist tragedy which happened at Russia few days ago. What a tragedy! Terrorists killed women and children. They are so cruel and inhumane. All the terrorists should be annihilated forever from this world. I talked with my roommate. There may be one person felt happy for this tragedy. That's GWB. He will say: see, what I attacked on terrorism is correct. This may help him to win the Vote 2004.

September is a special month for me since there're some special events happened to me. I am not good in memorizing but every time when I found it's "the date", I recalled something happened before. But, no time can be reversed. All the memories belong to the past. Life goes on and on.

I just realized that 10 years ago, in the morning of Sept. 7th, I arrived Beijing for the first time. What a special date for me!

Hope that I will have many better than better Septembers.

pictures from Beijing

Today I got an email from my GanMa (godmother). She sent me some pictures taken by her recently. They remind me the fall of Beijing. In the university I attended, there were some beautiful pools full of water lily at this season. (I think it's on August, not September). The waterlily is so beautiful that many students sit around the pool at this season. I am not sure whether I will visit Beijing this winter or go back to home directly. But Beijing is always a special city in my memory.


water lily in the Summer Palace, Beijing, China, taken at September 2004


Sunset, Beijing. taken at September 2004

moving

I got the keys for my new apt at this morning. Now I am ready to move. I plan to move some boxes (of books) first and then move the furniture at this weekend.

This Labor's day is really a labor day for me. My roommates and I packed the books which belong to my previous roommate. Those books filled 20 medium size boxes! And not all, there's still one shelf we didn't notice. The book boxes are so heavy that we plan to move by ourselves before the weekend, when our friends will come to help us for moving.

Now I need to sell the bookshelves. I also want to sell my desktops but I don't think anyone will give me a good price. I have one laptop and two desktops at home. Too much and I seldom used them. I set one desktop as Linux server.

Moving is not easy. Many things are waiting to be done ahead. Packaging, cleaning, U-haul, etc. …

pictures posted via picasa hello

It's convenient to post pictures via Picasa Hello. I started to use it from today and put some of the old pictures here.


Water Tower Place, Chicago. taken at April 2003.


Michigan lake, Chicago, taken at April 2003.


NYC. taken at April 2003.


The city I am living in, taken at April 2003. Back from east coast.


Castaic lake. CA. taken at June 2004. BBQ.


Royce Hall, UCLA. taken at August 2004. Hooding ceremony of my friends.

craigslist

Since I will move at next weekend, I need some moving boxes. Today I checked craigslist.com and I found some info in the free stuff board. I was so happy that one lady answered my call and told me that I could get her moving boxes for free. I took it with my friends.

I think American people are nice, at least sometimes. I saw many free stuff info at cragslist. People can throw away their used boxes or other stuffs directly and easily. But sometime they don't. They post the info online and other people who need those stuffs can go and take it, for free. There're some really nice people. I am so grateful for the generosity of that lady. We gave her a Chinese gauze scarf as thank-you gift.

I got to know cragislist few weeks ago. I checked the housing info at there. It helped to find the apt I will move to soon. Thanks to the facility of internet and the nice people.

The link of cragslist: http://www.craigslist.com/

returned to the court

Tonight I went to play tennis with my friends. I had been away from the court for a long time. My racket is still being in my friend's trunk. I left it there at more than one year ago. I am just too lazy.

Now I am glad that I went back to the court and took the exercise. Last summer I played tennis with my former roommate very occasionally. My favorite sport is badminton. But the court in campus requires an additional payment since it is summer quarter now and I am not registered in summer. I am longing for the coming of new quarter when I can play badminton again. This time I have a lot of shuttlecocks.

earthquake?

People are talking about the possible earthquake these days. It has been predicted that a big earthquake (6.2) will come to Los Angeles in this long weekend. Although I don't believe it much and I am not worried about it, I hope it won't come true at all.

Again, the word by Mahatma Gandhi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/5909167/

signed lease for apt

My friend and I signed a lease for an apt today. We will move to there in next two weeks. The rent will start to be counted from Sept. 7, but we cannot terminate our current lease before Sept. 30. So we will lose about $650 in the rent.

It's my second lease after I came to the States and it will be my third or forth living place. We signed a one-year lease, which is the required minimum length. We already visited the apt at last weekend. It's not bad. The rent at LA is so high that I can't expect a perfect apt within my budget. The apt is new to us, but itself is not new. I heard from the agency that it's built at 1970s. It has been renovated few days ago.

I plan to move to there at the second next weekend. I checked the date. It happens to be a special date, 911.

new office

I moved to a new office today. It was used by another two students of my advisor. Both of them graduated this year and leave LA to other cities for their job. Last Friday I took dinner with one of them and helped her to move some of her luggages. She left LA on Saturday. The other one left LA today. Now I moved into their office. Another two students of my advisor will be my officemates.

Since I will be TA next quarter, I hope that I can keep my another office in my department. I need to give office hour at there. But the department may not allow me to use two offices. I am not sure about it now.

The new office is quite and nice, better than my previous one.

from LA to NY

My friend and his wife left LA to NY tonight. The husband will be a post-doc at NYU, which has a topmost institute of his major, also mine. The couple lived in a same building of mine. I met them almost everyday and sometime I took their ride from school back to home. They are so nice. I attended his graduation ceremony. I had my graduation at Beijing but it was the first time I attended such ceremony in the States. I took many pictures and videos for them. They were so excited. I was also happy for them. The graduate secretary told me: you will be here for yourself next year. But in fact I am not sure about it. I may be able to graduate at next year if I work out more results in my research, but I want to stay here one more year to learn more from my great advisor. I need to think about where I should go after my graduation. As usual I should apply for a post-doc position before I can find a tenure track. It doesn't depend on me where I can go. But if I have chance, I wish I can go to east coast after I get my degree. I had been to NY and other east coast cities at last year. NY is totally different with LA. LA is big and scattered. Too big. You cannot find many people walking on the street. When you want to go shopping, you may need to drive of take bus. I think LA makes people feel alone.

I don't have many impressions of NYC since I only spent short time at there. What left in my mind included the skyscrapers, crowds, and subway. It reminded me the life at Beijing. There're so many people crowded on the streets. You will never be alone. I talked with some strangers in the subway and the time square. I like to experience a life at NYC.

But I wish that I can come back to LA or other CA cities to continue my professional career. The weather at LA is so nice that I don't want to be away from it too long. I like LA although sometime I complained about it. And I like the people at LA.

I wish my dreams will come true in the future.

铁打的营盘流水的兵

晚上去送师兄夫妇。师兄毕业了，去纽约，postdoc。

昨天晚上大家一起吃饭，师兄师姐还有好几个一个专业的。师姐八月份要去minnesota了。

说起时间，真是匆匆而过。他们感叹的时候，我想起几年前我来到美国第二天，师兄和另一个师兄带我去一个体育场，他们打网球，我躺在草地上数飞机，听到他们告诉我的一句话：以后每次你看到飞机的时候，都会想什么时候才能回家。这句话后来我告诉了一个师弟。仿佛就在昨天。师弟后来转学去了maryland，也有一年了，他送我的相框还在我的箱子里没有打开过。那天网球后两个师兄要带我去看太平洋，我在一号公路的车后座沉沉睡着了。这一切仿佛就在昨天，而我已经成了老兵了。师兄师姐走了以后，我就是大师兄了。

昨天说要五点出发的，结果今天他们一直收拾到了七点，恋恋不舍地查了又查看了又看，才关上“那扇开关了两年多的门”。有一堆的东西送给了我，小到一个亲手打的硬币结大到一张queen size的床。师兄再三嘱咐这床是给我以后结婚预备的礼物，不能卖，只好留着了。太大了，现在在我的卧室角落立着，它昨天的主人正在飞往纽约的飞机上。

在机场check-in很顺利，除了交了一些超重的罚款。还有很长的时间就在那里站着聊着。我突然觉得，还是有点不舍的。几年来习惯了住在楼下的他和师嫂找我解决电脑问题借影视片，习惯了搭他们的车回家和他们聊天和师兄谈学习向师嫂请教生活。在机场说着说着突然就有点不舍了起来。说是也许寒假又可以见到了也许以后我也会再去纽约，但其实以后很难再见面的了。

我刚来的时候另一个师兄接的，他和今天这个师兄合租。今天聊到床的来历，那时候我有四个师兄同时去买床，然后那个寒假四个师兄同时回去三个同时结婚回来（接我的早了半年），都是通过介绍认识的有一个还是第一次见面加结婚，有两个现在已经升级了，不由又感叹时间好快。那个寒假我就住在师兄家里帮他们看房子，然后带抑郁的师弟去草地上躺着数飞机陪他想家。

我在机场的时候想起不到一个月前我也在那个地方送我原来的roommate一家回国。我和他们合住了两年半。再过正好十天我又要送一家人回国。这是一个离别的季节吧。想起了前几天说的，朋友就像韭菜一样，时间割了一茬，总还会有新的出来，但再不是以前那茬了。我觉得我是很恋旧的，每次看到朋友们离去都会有点伤感，仿佛不知道何日再见。事实也是那样的。我在中学最好的朋友后来全家去了厦门，我们有十年没有再见到了。大学时最好的朋友，出国后我也没有机会再见了。

铁打的营盘流水的兵。师兄把office的钥匙留下来，月底师姐走了以后我就是那个office的新主人了。而数年之后，我又会漂流到何方，有哪些新的朋友。我不知道。

明天醒来，就是新的一天了。

快乐很简单

讲一个我师兄这两天的事情。

他卖车，原来朋友告诉他能卖到4000，他开了3800，很快有人来了，好几拨，有一个阿三说3650。他就把其他人推掉了。也是没经验没收阿三押金，结果被放了鸽子。后来就很着急，因为要走了。价格一直跌，开到3200。

然后来了一个犹太人，贼精哪，先打听什么时候要走，师兄没经验说了实话，然后做mechanical check，非常好，但是那厮只开价2700，师兄从3200->3000->2900->2800->2750一直降，那厮50块都不加。师兄本来想卖了，最后一刻醒悟：tmd你这简直是在扇我的嘴巴。不卖。过了几个小时下午，来了一个老墨。师兄很没有信心很忐忑地开口3300。老墨还价3200，最后3250成交。

高兴坏了。

另一件事异曲同工。申请opt，一直没下来，结果这个月工资就不能取了。通知说10号去取，他11号要走的飞机，很紧张，很烦。结果昨天寄来了，工资系里在争取付给他。又是高兴坏了。

本来车要卖4000的，只卖出3250，好像亏了很多，那时候3650被涮就是很郁闷。但是现在卖3250很高兴，因为是和2700对比的。

本来opt早该到了却没到，拖到了昨天，应该很郁闷才对。但是和10号相比提前了不少而且不用担心来不及上飞机，因此很高兴。

人的幸福是和期望值对应的。
期望低一些，得到的满足就会多一些，快乐也就会多一些。
期望高一些，很多事情就可能不如愿，快乐自然也就少了。

moral fiber

"Moral fiber. So, what is moral fiber?
It's funny, I used to think it was always telling the truth, doing good deeds, basically ... being a fucking boy scout.
But lately I've been seeing it differently.
Now I think moral fiber's about finding that one thing you really care about.
That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world.
And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your future, your life, all of it.
And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean.
You know what? It doesn't matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze.
That's what moral fiber's all about."

A speech of the main character in "The Girl Next Door", which I watched it tonight. I like it.

roommates

My roommates left LA tonight. They are going back to China and will come back after one year. I have been living with them in the same apt for more than two and half years. We were kind to each other, just like the members in a same family. I think I am lucky that I know many good friends here, especially my roommates. We never quarreled with each other and we helped each other a lot. I have a good memory with them.

Tomorrow my new roommates will move into this apt. They are also my good friends. A new life will start.

anonymous greeting

I just saw a msg on my guestbook, a greeting for my birthday. There's no name with it. I thought that it's from a friend I knew before. But the date shown is one day ahead of my b-day. It might come from my friend in China, but the time there was after midnight.

Anyway, I am happy to get the greeting, although I have no idea who sent it to me. Thanks to the friend and other friends.

candidate

It's an important day to me. I passed the ATC ("advanced to candidate", not "at the counter") exam this afternoon. It's one of the most important exams I have ever taken at UCLA. Now I have become one of the PhD candidate.

I worked on many projects before. But unfortunately I didn't make good enough performance and I didn't get good results. It came to last November that I started a new project. I got some interesting ideas with the help of my advisor and did some numerical experiments to prove it. I wrote a paper with my advisor and some other coworkers. Today I presented my work in the exam. To have a warm-up practice, I gave a talk at last week in a seminar.

The presentation is not so hard to me. But there're something unexpected happened. One committee member asked me some questions, which were not easy to explain clearly. I don't think that I gave perfect answers to him. My advisor helped me.

In the talk at last week I skipped some theoretical part in my paper. The reason I thought included: first the theoretical part was mainly done by my advisor and one coauthor, not by me, second is that it would take a long time to explain the theorems to the audiences. But today my advisor was so angry on me. He said I should not skip this part since it's very important in my work. He asked me to explain it on the blackboard.

The worst thing happened. I forgot the formulae. I should remember it since I used it many times. I don't know why I couldn't recall it during the presentation. Maybe I was too nervous. Although I found out everything eventually, my advisor was disappointed on me. After the exam he told me again: you should not skip your main contribution in the presentation, it's important to the committee.

He is right. I know. But there's no chance for me to retry. Because of this unexpected interruption, I couldn't finish all the slides. And another bad thing happened: my laptop ran out of battery! I thought the battery should be enough for the presentation, but it just ran out. What a world.

Thanks to the nice and patient committer members, who still gave me good evaluations, I passed the exam. And now I am a PhD candidate. I will be on a new stage towards my doctor degree and further career goals.

starting ...

A journal of JJ, starting from April 2004.

The domain name j-journal has already been taken by some other people. I have to choose journalj instead.