Monday, August 08, 2005

附庸风雅了一把

晚上去听了黄河大合唱。应该算是音乐会吧。(http://www.yellowriver2005.org/)。在洛杉矶的Walt Disney Concert Hall。据说这个地方是全世界数一数二好的音乐厅。之前在google maps查了地图,不过还是WDCH网站上的简单,换几下就可以到了。也许google是按最短路查询的。

之前打听了parking问题。一不小心就过了WDCH的parking lot,然后转到另一家,居然没人值守。牌子上没写周末晚上免费。看到了好几个一样去听这个大合唱的中国人。惴惴不安之后,只好转到另一个lot。这样就耽误了一点时间,剩下不到十分钟了。

进场之前看到有很多人在音乐厅外面拍照留念。我没带相机,也没想要留什么念。就直接进去了。

一看位置还不错啊,就在演出台边上,背后是WDCH著名的管风琴。正高兴便宜也有好票呢,发现原来是在乐队和合唱团的背后。整场音乐会下来,台上的只有一个人的脸我看得最多最清楚,那就是指挥了。他是很有名的姜金一。有名是因为介绍说很有名,我以前没听过音乐会因此是不知道这些人的。他指挥很投入很动情。

坐下来后我还看了看四周。票是在CSSA订的因此我想看看有没有什么熟人。之前我怕一个人迷路因此在网上找人一起carpool没有人响应。我看了看,旁边都是一些中年人。没我认识的。纳闷到底有多少学生去了他们坐哪儿去了。观众大部分是中老年人,有一些带了小孩子。进场看到他们的时候我就想起以前经常听说这些年纪的海外中国人有很深的家乡情怀。

音乐会分上下两个半场。上半场是独唱小提琴独奏小合唱二重唱钢琴独奏。小提琴是陈曦。不知道怎么我总觉得这个名字很熟悉很有名。后来看了介绍他确实非常有名,但是才21岁,也许我记错了。看过“和你在一起”里的小提琴和很俗的“流行花园”里花泽类拉小提琴,我总觉得小提琴是非常优雅动听的。陈曦穿着白色的唐装,右侧还有一条红色的龙,他的姿态确实很优雅。很难想象他才21岁。钢琴独奏是江天。介绍上写着这些演员都是很著名的,但是我都不认识,因为我是乐盲。

这里要说这个所谓世界上数一数二的音乐厅:音响效果太差了。这些独唱和后面下半场合唱时的朗诵及独唱,声音都没有足够放大出来,也许是麦克风的位置设置问题。我也算离得近的,都听不清楚。因此我对这个音乐厅是没有太好的印象的。

下半场就是黄河大合唱了。今天的乐队是洛杉矶华人交响乐团(有不少老外面孔)。合唱团是洛杉矶的一些民间合唱爱好团体,因此也算是业余级别的。在河边对唱咱老三我问你那段的时候,一个居然唱错了词。观众有的笑了但都还是很宽容的,毕竟大家去那里不是为了欣赏专业音乐水准而只是为了那个主题而被吸引去的,也知道是业余的(因此能组织起来这么一场也是很不简单的)。

保卫黄河那一段,一开始观众拍掌合着,但是不知道怎么很快就没了。我也不知道是不是在这边音乐会上观众都应该是安静地欣赏的。其实那时候我都很想跟着唱出来。我想起十年前的一二九大合唱是在首都体育馆的,北京高校大合唱。记忆没剩多少,只记着气氛很热烈而我也是坐在胡锦涛李铁映的后面,当然,隔了好多牌的后面,因此被电视台扫到了我爸妈在家里居然还看到了。那时候我记得全场就是一起唱的。忘了是不是都站起来。今天去听音乐会的路上我就在想那个一二九来着。

我对音乐是一窍不通,因此只是重在掺和就去了。我自己觉得在美国难得听到一次这样的音乐会。我第一次。有一天我跟朋友说起,我说我要去感受一下爱国的热情我说我是爱国的吧,他说爱国啊那就别在这里找工作了回去报效祖国啊。我一下就被这个老套的说辞堵住了就不说了。今天去的路上我在想自己会不会很激动。不过事实是我没有太激动。也许是因为我一个人看而且边上没坐人的缘故。

然后是一个老生常谈的问题。音乐会之前和中场休息之后广播里不断提醒大家要关掉手机,不要拍照和摄影。但是场内闪光灯仍然此起彼伏。也许是我那个位置的关系,我那侧好像没人照像,但是其它三侧很多,尤其对面的,我看到那个人时不时举起相机,红灯一亮然后白光一闪,搞得我很烦。不知道那些演出的人会不会感觉到是的话他们估计也很烦。我当时就想,怎么每次都看到听到这样的问题出现呢。而且明明知道是禁止的,那些人还在不停的做,而且不仅不讲道德,智商也不够:那么远打闪光灯除了暴露自己外,对照相效果是没有用的,还不如关掉偷偷照。

回来的时候迷路了。还好问了然后回来了。找到I-10W入口的时候好高兴——可以回家了。

Sunday, June 05, 2005

fail

I was very sorry to cancel a cherry u-pic event tonight, less than 10 hours before our schedule departuring time.

It's my first attemp and it's a failure now. I feel very sorry to those participants. One of the reason is that they set their weekend schedule to this event but now they can't make it fulfilled, another reason is that I had to inform them at a very late time. There's still two persons whom I couldn't get connected now.

I started to organize this event from two weeks ago. There're several orchards at Leona Valley planned to open from June 4th. Since some of my friends will leave LA next week and I have meeting with professors on Saturday, I pick the date as June 5th, the 2nd day of openning. As being in my thought, there should be plenty of cherry to choose when we arrive there. I sent serveral emails to some owners of the orchards but only got one reply from WRC. They told me that it's good to go on June 5th.

Then I sent invitations to many friends, including some friends from ucla and some from bbs. One friend also sent invitations to her friends. We invited about 50 people and finally got positive reply from about 20 people. I was so happy and proud to read the increasing of participants list.

But three days ago when I checked the update info from WRC, I was surprised to see that they postpone the opening date to next weekend. Their reason is due to the unexpected cold weather, which makes the cherry ripe slower than before. I got another reply from them and they inform me about the postpone. I called some other orchards, all of the reply I got are the same as WRC with the same reason. I was frustrated.

Then I got the email address of Ambers from google (thanks god there's something called google) (on the website of Ambers they only provide a form for contact and I submitted my query there but got no reply at all). I sent email to Ambers and got their reply that we can come up at Sunday June 5th (as I asked). Ambers is a big (and young, since 1997) orchard in Leona Valley. Amber is the name of the cute daughter in the owner's family. I changed the event and set the destination to Ambers instead of WRC.

Today(Saturday) I bought some snack and candy, juice for the trip. And then I called two friends whom I planed to pick up tomorrow. After printing the maps I reminded myself to call the auto answering phone of Ambers. It's a pity, bad news. I heard that Ambers has sold out all ripe cherry on June 4th and the next opening date would possibly be next weekend. What a bad news. I just couldn't believe it. Since it's answering machine and nobody was there to pick up the phone, I can't judge by myself whether my previour inquiry about Sunday u-pic is still valid or not. Although there're about 30 orchards in Leona Valley, I wonder whether we can find a good place to enter and pick up the cherry by ourselves.

After talking with some friends, I decided to cancel this event. The feeling is so bad. It's somehow like you have to give up something you like. I like to have an outdoor activity with friends. But this time I cant make it fulfilled. And I am so sorry to let my friends change their schedule in a late time which is close to the set schedule.

Anyway, it's failed and cant be reversed. I wish that next time I can organize a better one.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

圆桌会议

今天去听一个会议。早上9点开始,下午最后一个节目是round table,五个各个学校学科的头目在主席台上畅谈,下面听众也不时提问参与。

这是一个年会,今年主题是数学在生物领域的应用。round table的话题当然也是围绕这个展开的:数学如何进入生物领域,前景,热点等等,why+what+how。头目们畅谈,中间夹杂一些风趣的笑话,比如一个枪手的故事:三个科学家在一起聊天,这时候强盗(gunman)来了,一个接一个问他们自己做的研究对人类有什么贡献,如果强盗觉得不满意就要开枪杀人。前面两个都被杀了,最后轮到了数学家。还没问数学家就先开口了:你还是快把我杀了吧,这个问题已经让我够痛苦的了。。。

听众也提一些问题。规定时间快结束的时候一个男士举手。他说他很犹豫,不知道该不该提出自己的问题。头目们就鼓励他说,as you want。他就开始说了。

一开始的语气就很低沉,越说越痛苦。在他说犹豫(very hesitated)的时候大家就开始都把目光投在他身上了。他说他一直被一个问题困扰,用我的话总结就是:我们是要专才还是要全才。他说自己在化学,工程,生物,数学等领域转来转去现在转回到了生物,在他上大学的时候老师对他说:"you need to stick to a field and try to be an expert on it". 但他没有做到。他对很多东西都有兴趣,又仿佛没有兴趣。然后转来转去。现在30多年(3 decades)过去了回到了生物数学,可是他在哪儿都不是expert因此很难生存(survive),cannot get a position to stay。我看他好像不算老,看起来也就30多岁。开始时他说you can stop me when you want。头目们说dont worry, just speak out。但是后来他说的太久了,最后渐渐就差不多哭了。他说如果能回到三十年前他一定会听老师的话在一个领域混出来将它当作自己的基地(home base)然后再去进攻其它的领域。很多人举手想接过话题,头目们后来终于找了一个他停顿的机会赶紧叫了另一个人发言。

那个人坐在我后面,他说自己也被这个问题困惑过。他说了一会儿,但我没听清楚,主题词就是困惑和鼓励那个男的。这时那个男的又把话题抢过去了,说了一会儿。趁他喘息的功夫头目们赶紧叫了另一个举手的。那个人是个女老师。她说以她的经历她完全能理解那个男的感受。她在化学,MBA,数学,生物几个领域转过。她说了自己的很多感受。

然后头目开始发言。其实头目们看到这种局面也不轻松,气氛凝重而尴尬。我们学校的dean很nice地接过话题,说自己能理解他们的困惑,然后讨论multi-discipline的问题。几个头目说了一会儿。中间那个男的插话了几次但是都被及时控制了。

又有几个听众要求发言。预定结束时间已经过了。头目叫了前排的一个。他说了自己的困惑:不知道自己学的数学该怎么应用,等等,有人说到也可以去公司,他说那样感觉自己是个slave。这个词一出来大家都很哗然。头目们赶紧说这怎么是slave呢,你可以被equally employed,会有自己的价值和贡献的。他后来又抢了一次机会发言但是很短就被转移了。

预定的时间是一个小时,刚开始的时候都是头目们在聊,在那个男士之前只有一个女孩说了自己在生物和数学两个领域学习的经历:you need to patient and try to understand their language。头目们的主题词里有一个就是dialogue。communication is important。本来以为这个table就那样平淡地过去了只是一种形式,但是从那个男的发言之后就不同了,大家都很踊跃。

我也有很多类似的很早以前就开始的困惑。但是在这么多年之后,对于这些我无法理解的事情,我选择回避。但是看到那些三四十岁的大人像孩子一样委屈和困惑,心里还是有点触动。

这年头做啥都不容易。

因此不要再谈理想。

Sunday, April 10, 2005

opportunity

"Some people dream of success, while others wake up and work hard at it."

This is the word from my laptop wallpaper. I like it.

Last night I called my god-mother (GanMa) at Beijing and talked with her about my hesitation of the future career. I am not confident whether I can become a professor and do well in it. It's my preferred target while it's not easy but very hard to be obtained. It requires not only diligence but also intelligence, while I am not with either one. I have wasted a lot of time our of study and I still can't keep myself away from wasting it. That's a shameful problem with my personality. I thought about to go to industry if I can.

My godmother encouraged me and she said that she belived that I would fulfil my goal. She is very nice to me. In fact I knew what she would tell me. I just need somebody to listen to my hesitation and make myself more self-confident.

My boss always encouraged me. He is very nice to me too. He is a famous professor in my major and has a bunch of brilliant ideas every day. My friend told me that it's a big advantage to me. Of course I know it too. My boss told me many times that I am luck to participate in good projects. And he pointed out my problem: I am often pessmistic with the results. Sometime I did think the results I got is not so promising as he said. Maybe I was just expecting too much from the work.

But anyway, I am still with that dream and hope to get the opportunity in the future.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

the world is small

I met with my friend aries today. I knew her from bbs and we co-managed a board before. She graduated from the same university as me and was one year later than me.

We had brunch together and talked about our bbs experience, campus experience and others. When we were undergraduates, our dorm buildings were on the two sides of a road and faced each other. They were the only two dorm buildings in our university that lived by boys and girls respectively and faced each other. There were several times that boys went out of the dorms and sit on the road to sing loudly for the girls. And there were many beautiful stories about those two buildings and their students. Time flied. We had been away from there for about 7 and 6 years and they were destroyed and rebuilt at two years ago.

We talked about her dorm and neighbors. To my big surprise that a friend I know before lived just next to her dorm. The world is so small. I knew that girl at 8.5 years ago and the last time I saw her was about 4 years ago, the summer that I graduated from that university. I thought that I couldn't get her news any more since I lost connection with her. But now I met her college dorm neighbor. What an amazing thing.

The world is not enough. The world is small.

Friday, April 08, 2005

dream and second paper

My groupmate got the internship offer. She was so excited and I am also happy for her. It will be a good experience for her and also a good preparation for her future industrial career.

Few days ago my boss asked me whether the second potential offer if 3 months or 6 months. I told him that I just declined it. I was wondering whether he wanted me to go if it's a 3-month job, since it will cover my summer quarter only. I was a little bit regretful for my early decision. I didn't ask about the detail of that offer.

But I didn't regret much and long. My friend from New York told me that I shouldn't go for intern. He graduated from my department last year and is doing very well as a postdoc at a no. 1 institute for my major. I agreed with his suggestion. If I want to enter academia for my professional career, it would be better to do more research in my current work than going for internship in company.

Being a professor has been one of my dreams since a long time ago. But I was hesitating these days about my goal. I don't know whether I can fulfil my dream. It seems a hard and long way to get to there and I am not confident whether I can make it. If I go to the internship this summer, and if they want me to work at there after I graduate, probably I will accept their offer and I will work in industry then. It's a big company and I think their research work will be interesting to me and their pay rate is not bad at all.

Now by choosing to stay in campus in this summer I will focus on my research for sure. I hope that I can work something out and start to write my dessertation in the summer.

A good news is that my coworkers finished the draft of a paper. It's my second one and it has now been published in departmental publication lists. I am not sure whether and when it will be accepted by the journal we submitted. But at least, it's a good starting.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

about internship application

just replied the guy from internship company to decline his offer and recommended my groupmate to him. few minutes later she got one email from him. he said that the reason why he sent email to ask me first "is that his resume indicates his experiences in ...", and he asked her to "tell me more about your research work".

my boss asked us this morning: why you couldn't go but got the offer while she can but not? i think the guy's email explained it somehow. this is a different position with the one we got phone interviewed at last time and they didnt know that i can't go so they reviewed our application at the same time and make the order.

i think resume and cover letter are important documents for job hunting. and of course another, maybe even more important factor is the recommendation from someone in or connecting with that company.

last year i spent one whole week in preparing my resume and cover letter, with the revising help from my advisor and career center and my friends. i longed for internship very much at that time. but since nobody recommended me, i couldnt get an offer. none of those applicants from my department got it although we are among the top in that field.

this time i also spent about half a week to prepare the resume and cover letter, although i just needed to change from my previous version. i asked my friend: can you give me your sample of colver letter? to my surprise he told me he didn't have it. he is looking for job. he said that the companies only require resume. yes i haven't seen any company asking for cover letter directly. but i think it should be useful to demonstrate myself by cover letter along with resume. after that my friend sent cl to his application too.

my groupmate wants to go to industry in the future and internship is important for her. but she is just careless or idle. she just modified her last year resume and sent to the company one day after we got the internship info. when i asked her about cover letter it's too late for her to make up it. i am not sure how important the documents play role in the application but i think at least this time it's important: the guy asked me whether i will go since "You seem to have good experiences in this area" and he asked my groupmate to describe her research more. i believe that it's not b/c i m doing better than her, but b/c she didn't show her abilities well and clearly
in her resume while i did.

today Los Alamos National Lab is looking for graduate internships from our department (via a joint program, working at our department and paid by LANL. my boss still said no to me). i helped my groupmate to revise her email. her english is pretty good but she is careless in my eyes in writing. and she still wrote in chinese mail style and she seldom checked her writing before she sent it. i asked her to be careful since she care about this application and position very much.

a bad thing about careful is wasting time. i wish i can learn to be efficient and careful in the future.

Friday, March 18, 2005

phone interview

just finished the phone interview from internship company. my first one at usa. about 25 minutes.

i am still in cold and couldnt speak clearly. my research matches their topics a little, not much. but in my eyes it's easy for me to get into theirs.

he asked me about the frontiers of my field (also theirs) and we discussed. he wanted "advanced researchers who are familiar with these work". but that's a high requirement for intern.

we talked about the difference between academia and industry research.

the problem is that they want me to go for 6 or 9 months. i cant since i need to work on my dissertation and graduate. in fact my advisor told me that he is "thinking whether it's good or not to let you go in the summer instead of working here with me". i'm also hesitated.

he asked me to think about the possibility to postpone my graduation. i dont think it's acceptable for me and my advisor. i will reply him next week.

anyway, it's a good experience for me to be interviewed.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

friend came

Everyday I arrived school around 9:30am and I went to mailroom first. It happened today morning when I was sitting outside the mailroom and reading some seminar announcement. I saw a post about my friend's talk at afternoon. When I was reading it, I heard a voice coming. It's a conservation by my advisor and my friend. Then they saw me.

My advisor asked me: so you are the classmate? I answered yes. We were from the same class when we were undergraduate. After we graduated with bachelor degree, I stayed in PKU to continue my graduate study and he came directly to usa and entered graduate school. He finished his phd in four years and now he has been working as a postdoc for two and half years. He is looking for a tenure track position in my depeartment and others.

When I think about him and some other classmates, I know that I am far behind now. I cannot say that I wasted three years for the graduate study at PKU, because I did learn something there. But I didn't work hard enough after I came here. That's why I am not good now. I need to catch up.

After the talk at afternoon, my advisor asked me again: so you were in the same grade before? I said yes. He was wondering why my friend graduated at two years ago while I am not yet. He told me: well, work harder then.

I will.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

I Promised Myself

I happenly saw this one from a forum and I think it's worthful to read.

I Promised Myself
by Christina D. Larson.

Today and everyday of my eternal life, I promise myself to be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person I meet.

To make my friends feel that there is something beautiful in each one of them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.

To think only the best and expect only the best. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.

To forgive and forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievement of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature I meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of myself that I have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, too happy to permit the presence of trouble. And so it is!"

答应自己
克里斯顿·拉尔森

答应自己——

将如此坚强,任何东西都不能扰乱内心的静谧

和见到的每一个人谈到的都是关于健康

幸福和舒畅

让所有的朋友都感到各有所长

任何事物都能窥见其光明的一面

使你的快乐信条处处应验

只想令人快感的事情仅盼最让人欣慰的结局

对别人的成功像对自己的成功报以同样的欢呼

忘却以往的过失,义无返顾的争取更大的建树

将永远面带一种愉悦向所有遇到的生灵送上一份可心的笑意

将如此忙于完善自己,而无暇对他人吹毛求疵

将过于豁达,不会忧郁

过于高贵,不屑动气

过于硬朗,不知畏惧

过于快活,不容心存芥蒂

Sunday, January 16, 2005

back

Well, I am at LA again now. When I typed the title "back", I don't know whether it's appropriate or not, since I "back to China" and "back to LA", both "back". But it doesn't matter. I'm here again and when I saw my roommates and my bedroom, I felt that I have been back to home.

I miss my family in China. Yes, a lot now. One day ago I was being with my parents, but the plane was so fast that just after one day we are separated by the Pacific again. It's not easy to see them again in a short future. Visa is the biggest problem, and another problem is money.

About my winter vacation at China, it's fine. I went to Beijing to visit my godmother. She was so happy to see me there. But I was sorry to find that she got older a little much. She retired from her job and now spent her time in learning drawing, dancing and other. It's good for her to be kept in busy since in that way she won't feel too lonely. I wish my godmother keep a good health.

After staying at Beijing for couple days I went back to home. I am very sorry that I didn't go to the workshop at Hangzhou. I couldn't make it at that time. I took plane from Beijing to Fuzhou. My parents had been waiting at airport for more than two hours. It's the first time that my mother went to airport. She told me later that she couldn't find the airplane at airport. I asked her and my dad to come with me to Shanghai when I leave from China to LA, but they refused, saying that it's too cold to go there in winter. I know that they are economic and don't want me to spend much money.

When I saw my parents at the airport, I found that they became much older than before, especially my mother. I felt guilty for myself since I didn't care about them enough. I should go back home earlier and more often before to visit them. Although I noted later that my mother was old that day mainly because she was too tired after 3 hours ride and 2 hours waiting, I still felt that they are older than before. They did a lot of work at my hometown. They explained to me why they insisted to work so hard: you are still a student and your brother and sister and yourself need a lot of money in the coming future for marriage and housing. They are traditional Chinese parents: care about kids a lot and care about themselves too little. I told them that I am also working as a student and can afford my future and help my younger brother and sister as well. I asked them to work less and keep them more healthy. Health is the most wanted gift I want my parents to get and hold.

I didn't visit any other city after I went back home. I spent most of my time with my parents and also visited some relatives and friends. I know that it's harder to find a long vacation in the future to spend with them. I love my parents a lot. They also love me a lot. I missed an important mission in my vacation. But overall, my vacation is fine since I was so happy with my parents and they were happy too.

I am a little tired now. I just knew that tomorrow is a holiday. It's good that I can take some rest. But since this is the second week of winter quarter, I need to get over jetlag asap and catch up with my course and work. I have been away for one month. It's time to work hard now.

2005, a new year, a new life.