网络的力量

LOL。刚看到的。我一开始还以为中兴指的是国内那个通讯制造商，一看原来是前一阵的mitbbs抓鬼结果。看来灌水也可以灌出Science报道来。

Cyber-Detectives Deep Six Cell Paper

By Xao Hin
ScienceNOW Daily News
13 December 2006

A microbiology paper by an all-Taiwan group that made a media splash in Taiwan when it was published in the 20 October Cell is being retracted after anonymous online sleuths charged that images in the paper had been manipulated.

On Tuesday, Ban-Yang Chang of National Chung Hsing University in Taichung, the corresponding author, confirmed in an e-mail that he had written Cell asking the journal to retract his team's paper. The study questioned prevailing views of how transcription of a gene's DNA begins in bacteria. The move came after an investigating committee convened on Friday by the university recommended the retraction. In an e-mail to Science, Yu-Chan Chao, dean of the College of Life Sciences at the university, called the episode an "unfortunate case" and added that "the university will take this as a serious lesson for ethics education at all the colleges in the future."

Chang maintains that the paper's conclusions are correct. "We want to stress again that the results reported in the Cell paper are real and reproducible,"he wrote. Cell so far has not published a retraction notice.

For a more detailed story on how the anonymous Internet postings challenged the Cell paper, see this Friday's issue of Science.

转一个总结（不保证准确性，但基本客观）：

发信人: sanger (不是songer，是sanger！), 信区: Biology
标 题: 中兴CELL造假案的全程回顾
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Thu Dec 14 09:53:36 2006), 转信

台湾土产第一篇CELL, 今天ScienceNow公布中兴大学已经撤回了
一个月以来, 在MITBBS和PTT上, 双方的嘴仗不可谓不激烈
MITbbs方面,以anoia为首, 质疑的是论文图中为什么会有莫名的一至噪音块及其明显的分界线(表示这是一个剪切复制块),相同位置一样大小的气泡为什么会在不同的胶带中出现.
PTT台湾中兴大学方面, 强调这是“压缩采样失真”所致, 并认为"可重现性"是判断真伪的唯一标准


过程回放:

11.16 yuuli在MITBBS上首次发问怀疑中兴CELL造假, 尤其是Figure2C. 据他说最先发现的是他同试验的俄国同行.其后该文被大量转载,引发激烈讨论
11.17 MITBBS上anoia, SMTH上stray发文确认该文造假, 台湾ptt论坛上则是支持中兴的声音为主流
11.17 motif质疑该组在JBC上的文章(http://www.jbc.org/cgi/reprint/M605177200v1) Figure1B也有问题
11.18 schiwann发文确定该图有假, 同时质疑Figure6也存在作假嫌隙
11.18 tataat质疑该组在J Gen Virol上的文章(87,1357-67,2006)的数据也有问题
11.19 面对ptt, MITBBS上的反诘,anoia公布完整的质疑图档
11.21 CELL编辑部屏蔽该文大图,所有到本文的连接全部转去siencedirect
11.22 anoia公布保存所有可疑大图于capa.zoto.com
11.21 台湾大学guyspy用色阶调整确认质疑
11.21 anoia确认JBC中Figure1存在造假
11.21 ptt上lnalna刊出联系作者张邦彦的回信,文中侮辱字眼your guys频出,并责难大陆的道德教育.造假讨论被推向极致
该信刊出后,大量大陆留学生给CELL编辑部写信打电话要求对该文进行调查
11.22 CELL第一作者dennishsien发文表示自己正在服兵役中,无法详细澄清造假传闻,但是多所有数据图片"问心无愧"
11.22 中兴JBC第一作者的回复被刊出, 认为灰度块来自文件压缩所致
11.23 anoia质疑JBC作者关于"文件压缩"说, 双方有私下接触. anoia其后宣布台湾中兴大学提供的所谓原图是经过严重contrast拉过的,仍然无法解释Figure 1中灰度块的问题.
12.13 ScienceNow Daily News宣布中兴方面决定收回他们发于CELL的论文,并转述中兴大学校长的话说:这是一件不幸的事(unfortunate case), 今后在全校的道德教育中学校将以此作为一个严肃的教训(the university will take this as a
serious lesson for ethics education at all the colleges in the future.)
12.13 MITBBS和SMTH上对这个消息反映平淡,认为这是一场没有胜者的斗争("triumph without glory"),海峡两岸都受到了伤害. 另外大家对JBC调查结果的关注, 以及对anoia的感谢和祝贺也是大家回复的一个主轴
12.13 中兴方面在ptt上回复撤稿消息,并公布部分中兴与CELL编辑部的通信内容.他们坚持该文没有造假,是可以重复的(repeatable),撤稿是因为受质疑最多Figure1C"不幸"遗失的缘故,并再次质疑"大陆打压台湾"的动机
……


回顾整个过程

大家在知道了那片文章的figures有问题之后
最初只是想和中兴的联系
反映一个情况----大家那个时候反复在强调:都是中国人,不用做的那么绝

可是没有想到张教授
跟个maddog一样
回信居然全是you guys,
还恬不知耻的问候大陆的道德教育

所以,说实话
给CELL写信,揭发这事,
造假是起因
但是, 这封"问候"的信才是关键----真正的导火索

(以上很多是个人观点,如有不对之处,敬请anoia及其他诸大侠不吝指点)

忙碌的一天

虽然看起来好像现在每天都在看电影，但是其实很忙碌。。。

今天又上了十二小时班。

凌晨做了一个梦醒来，一看手机才五点，然后怎么也睡不着，就到厨房找了桔子吃。roommate说最近我们买的桔子跟老家的味道很像，于是我们争先恐后地想家。梦里我在试车，不过车子很后现代，只有一个圆状底盘，依稀有一个5的字样，好像是A5，又好像是一个朋友刚买的别摸我，开着开着越来越快眼看要失控了，就回到现实醒过来了。这两天做了一些怪异的梦，昨天的梦是考试，科目是数学，四大题，第一道就有三小题，结果我才做了两小题时间就结束了，我急忙向老师解释其实我是可以答出来的只是时间太短而已，老师的回答是以前我们在北京时常听常说的：早干嘛去了？！日有所思夜有所想，也许是刚好最近期末学生们都要考试，也许是因为我们年终也要交一些东西的缘故。梦醒后想起自己最近确实很废时间，任务越积越多起来。

今天开了三次会，小组的小小组的点对点的，还有一个video conference因为技术故障没有参加。下午最后一个讨论会的时候我实在是昏昏欲睡了，突然听到老板总结的时候说now let's wait for the review from jj and then we can proceed to next step，赶紧提起精神来，汗颜，最近比我计划的落后了点。而转眼好像就要放假了。

下午YJ同学打来电话，我以为是DB过了ATC要请客吃饭，没想到是一个更大的好消息，他和LJ的TOP都过了。ATC只是过场基本没有不过的，但他们两个的TOP却有点像中彩票那么艰难。听他兴奋的口气，我就想起开学初那阵子他特别郁闷的时候，我常常拿自己的当年历史做垫背例子鼓励他。果然他终于还是没有破了我的记录。当时我口语考了很多很多次（都不好意思提起这个记录数据了），越考越紧张，每次都是差一小点点就是过不了，郁闷坏了，最后一次破罐破摔，想到反正老板给RA了至少可以坚持一阵不缺粮了，于是根本没有准备就上了战场，结果就过了。今天突然想到我的考试和The Shawshank Redemption里的Red申请出狱的过程一样：有时不那么在乎了，却不经意就实现了。也许是水到渠成，也许是rp刚好攒够了。晚上听DB说最近好像师弟师妹们个个都很出色，好消息不断，我这个当大师兄的听了也很高兴。

在公司吃过晚饭后干活到八点多，才想起今天忙得都没时间打球，不过总算把今天的预期任务完成了。回家路上换了Secret Garden的Earth Songs。最近一直在听pop&rock，突然换成轻柔一点的，感觉也很不错。好像一天的疲惫渐渐就消失了。上班的好处就是回家后可以不干活，于是就把墨攻看完了。然后明天接着开会。Work hard, (then) play hard.

墨攻

“在你问别人是非或者黑白的时候，其实你的信念就已经动摇了。”
－－逸悦@墨攻

有个朋友在网上嚷嚷这个片子如何好看，今天晚上我终于把它看完了，确实说得没有太夸张。现在的中文片拍成这样已经算很不错了。而且情节很紧凑，又不算太俗套。有一个评论说这是“一个孤独的行者与十万个敌人的战争故事”。十万敌军不可怕，可怕的是如敌营一个将军指出的那样：他连自己所要拯救的人的信任都没有得到，这才是残酷的悲哀。片子里有很多人性思考之类的情节和对白，算是有点内涵的片子。值得推荐。（上边这副图只是宣传剧照而已，片子中没有出现。）



前几天还看了刘德华的另一个片子《再说一次我爱你》，感觉就很一般了，假了点。典型的香港制造所谓情感片。

Winter Passing

"Sometimes you go looking for something you want ... and find what you need."
-- Winter Passing, 2005

故事情节很简单：一个在纽约生活的叛逆的女孩有一天回到了自己父亲生活的地方，也就是自己以前长大的地方，密歇根的一个小镇。她的母亲以前自杀而亡，她一直痛恨自己的父母因为觉得他们没有关心过自己。但是在小镇短短一个冬天平静的生活之后，她的心灵得到了宁静。

有时候觉得一个人尤其是浮躁and/or偏激的人要是有机会到一个很宁静的地方彻底放松一下自己，也许很多观念会得到改变吧。所谓的环境决定论。可是现在世界太喧闹了。假期太少了，这个圣诞节也只有几天，我还没想好是北上还是等朋友南下，但转眼却已经快到了。

整体感觉只是一般的电影——不好不坏。闲的时候看看还是不错的。拿到DVD的时候我就觉得那个扮演父亲的那个主角很眼熟，但是想不起来在哪儿见过。Ed Harris。后来我想可能是长得和《大腕》里的那个泰勒太像了的缘故。但其实不是一个人。

明天周一了，又得开始认真上班了。




（《大腕》里的尤优和泰勒）

加勒比海盗2

每天一部电影。

今天晚上看的是朋友刚租的DVD加勒比海盗2，Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest。据说很火，现在是blockbuster的two-day rental。1我还没看过，也许明天补习一下。想起了Las Vegas的海盗船表演。

印象最深的是音乐很不错。刚开始我在笔记本上看，接的小音箱，因为有低音炮因此效果还不错，后来换到电视上和室友一起看，音效和画面感觉就更好了。其他的没有什么非常出彩的地方。有些镜头很滑稽，让我想起了大话西游里背着蜘蛛精的二当家了的那一段了。有一点要提醒的：如果是一个很唯美的观众，那么对一些画面可能会比较反感，需要事先做好心理准备。还有一点就是片子时间很长，两个小时半。看到最后很确信一点就是：导演已经在等着拍第三集了。总体上来讲还是值得一看。



顺便提一下，今天一开始用电脑播放，我的系统默认是Real Player v10，不行，copyright protection问题，换用Windows Media Player v10，还是不行，一样的cp问题。我的系统是正版的dvd是bb那里租的，怎么就播不了呢。麻烦。Windows提示WMP可以升级，就升到了最新版的v11。界面风格很像vista时代风格。但是菜单都隐藏了，花了两分钟根本找不到如何open file。后来不知道怎么好像是在library选项里找到一个dvd选项才开始播放。不知道MS的UI怎么设计这些产品的。那天跟一个朋友谈起Vista菜单，说到那个关机菜单的笑话，像我们这样用了十几年电脑的都要琢磨半天还找不到答案，那些新警察估计就更找不着北了。难道MS现在产品开始只面向精英了不成：没有最适用，只有最花哨（而且其实也不美观，虽然努力盗用Apple等的成果）。今天还顺便升级了IE7，除了一样把菜单隐藏起来让人找不着外（可以自己打开，但这不是多此一举吗，而且我觉得知道怎么打开的比例不会太大），唯一的“创新”就是盗用了firefox等的tab browser。唉，现在对MS连鄙视都有点疲劳了。

Waterloo Bridge

今天问了一个很土的问题：《魂断蓝桥》和《廊桥遗梦》到底是一个还是两个片子？排除我发音偏差的因素，这个混淆应该怪罪于翻译太诗意了。不过滑铁卢桥为什么叫做蓝桥，我还是没明白。有人说蓝桥是战争时期的伟大而悲伤的爱情故事，而廊桥是和平年代的多夜情故事。刚刚看完前者。

慕名已久的经典，因此看得很满足，确实名不虚传。不过居然没有在imdb的top 250里。看到一个评论说：“《魂断蓝桥》一片以其缠绵悱恻的悲剧情节在东方大受欢迎的同时，在西方却并不能算是最受欢迎的。战乱中的爱情片有着其感人至深的情感效应，演员细腻的表演，更能感动感情细腻的东方人，这也许就是该片能在东方有着轰动效应的原由吧。”还是很有道理的。费雯丽演得棒极了，而且确实是绝色级别。

那个评论里还有一段说：“整部片有感叹造化弄人外，也恰可作为那个时代道德观的纪录。”女主角最后Myra最后自杀，就是因为她觉得自己不干净了。可是整个片子让我最感动的不是男女主角的爱情，而是Myra的朋友Kitty，为了给Myra买药为了两个人的生活，在战争年代没有别的办法，只好瞒着Myra自己出去卖身。这种情感也是非常深厚的。看到她和Myra两个人抱头痛哭的那一幕（Myra知道真相之后）我觉得非常感动。突然无厘头地想起了一个网络小说叫做没有人是干净的。其实她们都是干净而且伟大的。

主题歌风靡世界。记忆比较深的一次是在国内上学的时候第一期特别数学讲座结束的时候开party，psu的x教授就唱了这一首。不过一直没明白为什么翻译成“友谊地久天长”，明明是爱情片的主题曲啊。

Vita è bella, La

后知后觉，昨天晚上才看了这个97年就出来的电影。慕名已久。IMDB上的评分很高（8.4/10 from 51,936 votes，Top #82）。不过我觉得比我想象的还是要差一点点：life is beautiful，是通过对比纳粹的残暴来体现父爱的，但是在刻划残暴上电影的表现力不够。也许是不想太刺激？而且只有大概1/3的是讲集中营的故事，也就是我认为影片本来要表现的主题的发生地。而且集中营大部分人还活着出来（除了老弱病残幼），和以前读过的教科书里写的似乎也不是很像。

当然，不管怎样，故事的构思很巧，演员演的也很棒，尤其是男主角（Oscar最佳男主角Roberto Benigni ）。不过女主角的戏分不多，看完没有留下太多印象。因为是意大利语，我只能通过字幕理解，稍微减少了点原滋原味的乐趣。

新警察

今天下午是TGIT，Thanks god it's Thursday。其实Thursday没什么需要thanks的，明天还得上班。不过因为每周五总部那边有TGIF我们分部要通过视频参加，因此这里单独的就提前一天了。好像party完了大家都很high，现在游戏室里还是熙熙攘攘。

这种party上有很多内容是confidential的，不过有一点倒可以说，就是今天我又被作为Noogler介绍了一下。我开玩笑说我都来了一个月了怎么还算作新警察啊，后来有一个同事跟我说这算啥我都来了三个月了还是新警察呢。呵呵其实我也知道，第一周培训的时候mentor就跟我说：前半年你都是新警察都是在学习阶段。当然是边工作边学习了。算起来今天刚好上班一个月多一天。年末是很多公司performance review的时间我们这里也是，不过因为我来的时间还太短因此就不需要做什么总结了（也就没有奖金了。。。）。我自己想了想，好像除了每天看不见影子的读文献之外就没有什么值得总结的收获了。星期一给自己下了一个计划，这周一定要写一些汇报出来，目前看来任务还很艰巨。另外我已经一个月没有写程序了，突然很想编程，可是新系统还没有学会。

最近好像有很多的想法，可是暂时都没有时间做，而且大部分估计也被别人先想过了试过了，也许已经too old。手头的本行都还没做出来。每当我郁闷地想起自己工作了还没什么收获的时候，同事们朋友们总是善意地安慰我说你还是新警察别着急。我也知道，不过有时候还是有点急躁，有时候也静不下心来耐心地做一点东西。今天想起公司的信条之一，是"It's best to do one thing really, really well"。有点醒悟，长久以来我的缺点之一就是想得太多做得太少。饭要一口一口吃掉。

又想到最近经常接触一些confidential的东西，公司内外的都有。其实公司的倒还好，我自然不敢也不会越雷池，这是最基本的守则。（其实有些东西我加入之前就想到了知道了，但是现在却不能八卦了）。而个人的秘密就不一样了。以前我想的很简单，别人告诉我了我保密就是了。但是这几天在想，有时候把秘密和朋友分享，是一种很深的信赖。可是有时候朋友知道了秘密，不一定是好事，也许反而成了一种负担，因为要保密而只能自己思考。想到这里我又觉得以前对一些事情想法太简单了。

因此在公司里还是一个新警察，需要学习，在生活中也是。

读国内IT新闻

睡觉前看到一个新闻：

2006中国IT十大财经人物评选揭晓 马化腾当选

荏苒2006，多少新生代IT精英半路崛起了，多少纸上富贵化作泡影了，多少传奇实现了，多少神话破灭了，多少猜测证实了，多少预言成空了，我们都一一看见，一一知悉。虽然如此，必须承认，中国IT业依然在以令人惊讶的速度、宽度和深度涌现，并日见其绚烂。。。。

马是qq的当家人。这几年一直都很火，据说现在腾讯是“中国所有境外上市互联网企业中市值最高的公司”，不知道分众现在排在第几。qq现在号称即时通讯世界第二，不知道第一是icq还是msn。我是oicq第一年开始用的，现在几年过去了不知道号码还在不在，据说很多小数字号码被收回然后卖钱，我的号码当时我上网估价可以卖到300人民币。当年oicq上有几十个“好友”，但基本上都不认识，也很少聊－－男生我不感兴趣，女生不感兴趣我。后来改叫qq，名字看起来q了一点，但也大乱了。号称2200w同时在线，估计浮夸免不了。我自己基本上出国前就没上了。

第二名沈南鹏是携程ctrip的创始人。这两年我回国时在国内订机票和旅馆都是用携程，确实方便，而且印象中服务态度很好。沈还是如家快捷酒店的创始人。当时去上海的时候有人推荐过一个酒店，不记得是否就是如家快捷。

第四名王雷雷是tom在线的CEO。tom居然“并连续6个季度在季度总收入和净利润两项指标上远超搜狐，连续4个季度在净利润上位居门户网站之首，从而成为中国最具实力的移动互联网公司。”我经常用的国内网站只有两个，一个是新浪的体育新闻主要是国际足球部分，另一个是tom的mp3搜索，个人认为比baidu的方便，虽然也许搜索范围不如baidu强大，但更精确，而且不需要在一个单独的弹出窗口上读一遍掩耳盗铃的版权声明。

其它的几个就不知道了。没有百度新浪盛大之类的，因为评选的是06年的风云人物，几个耳熟能详的公司今年确实都不匝地。这些人的共同点都是非常年轻，大概只有一个在40以上的。看来IT完全是年轻人的天地。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

PS：今天下午和朋友聊天说到上网的各自当年勇，差不多十年前的事了，真是岁月如飞刀，他比我还要早两年。我有一阵子仿佛中了网瘾。其实更坦白地说不是一阵，而是很多阵，就像戒烟一样没能戒掉。就这样在网络中游荡了好多年虚度了无数光阴，认识了不少人，但也好像没留下什么记忆。刀刀催人老，每次和新人类们谈起上网时代我都不好意思说当年如何。很多当年我们小玩小闹的东西，后来成了大众的流行，比如oicq或者说是抄袭icq，或者说其实就是bbs的msg功能改进一下，连chatroom也是雷同。比如六年前我们开始在BBS上写个人文集而且访客可以留言，N年之后blog开始火爆。有时跟老朋友们想起来当年，两句话印象深刻，一个是“相汝以沫，不如相灌于江湖”，那是年轻时的轻狂吧，另一个是“这已经不是我们的江湖了”。有人说灌水和生活不可得兼，因此我开始渐渐远离灌水了（如果写blog不算灌水的话。。。）。

杞人忧天及走马观花

这几天听到看到几个rumor和新闻（其实没有事实依据的新闻和rumor是同一类型的）。一个是传说google将裁员20%之多，这个是在网上看到的，有几个朋友还好奇或关切地询问了一下，另一个是今天看到CNN Money上一个Fortune资深老警察写的文章：

Is Google too smart for its own good?

Google's famous for hiring the best and the brightest, but when they get bored, they're bound to create the son-of-Google, warns Fortune's Jeffrey O'Brien.

基于公司的政策我不了解这些消息的真假，而且就算知道这也是不能外说的confidential内容。不过今天还是很有兴趣地在网上看了看。Jeffrey的文章，我认为只有结论和推理，却没有实际的论据，因此不算太有震撼力，也许看成对公司一个善意的提醒更有实际意义吧。最近颇有一些关于google的危机论文章出现。而关于layoff的传闻我查了一下觉得也许是以讹传讹，网上能找到的消息是关于Yahoo的：

Layoffs of 15-20% of Yahoo! staff and reversal of priorities

"Yahoo!'s Senior VP Brad Garlinghouse sent out a company-wide memo calling for layoffs of 15-20% of Yahoo! staff and reversal of priorities to concentrate on major issues facing the company. (The Wall Street Journal posted a copy of the memo.) MarketWatch quotes Garlinghouse: 'I've heard our strategy described as spreading peanut butter across the myriad opportunities that continue to evolve in the online world. The result: a thin layer of investment spread across everything we do and thus we focus on nothing in particular. I hate peanut butter. We all should.'"

同样地，这些消息的真假现在还是无从验证。这些都是传闻或者旧闻。今天还看到一个关于Yahoo的新闻：

Yahoo attack problems with makeover

Yahoo Inc. is tackling its most difficult challenge since the dot-com bust with sweeping organizational changes aimed at cleaning up a mess of the Internet icon's own making.

这么看来dot-com好像又要遇到困难了，听起来很有点耸人听闻。今天顺便看了看公司的股票，在11/22突破500之后现在又回落到488左右了，看来要上600估计还得等待来年了（之前500的时候华尔街有人说今年预期要调整为600，都很乐观嘛）。我对股票是属于一窍不通的类型，偶尔看到club里几个牛人讨论好像据说每年年底很多股票都会大涨，我就想这个既然是“公开的秘密”了那岂不是大家年底炒股就可以拿到压岁钱了，因此好像也不是完全可信。有一天我问cpa同学我能不能筹1000刀出来当作学炒股的学费，被严重鄙视了，从此被断了跟着他们一起发财的念头。

不过其实我不是杞人，对这些新闻也好八卦也好rumor也好我倒不在乎，反正我现在一穷二白阶段，光脚的不怕丢了鞋。说说我对公司的一些粗浅印象。

今天读CNN的这篇文章的时候我就想，作者跟我好像很有灵犀，很久以前我也在想古狗的那些老虫子们都是千万身家了吧岂不是个个都可以出去买个豪宅然后周游世界腐败去了，还天天对着电脑编程干啥啊。这是当时看到古狗上市后大涨时我很单纯的想法。现在我终于也挤进来了，但是为时已晚，因此暂时还是只有羡慕的份：第一周在总部参加培训的时候，每次听到讲课的人说“我来了四年了”“我是00年进来的”之类的时候我心里就很嫉妒：wow那你现在肯定千万家产了！很受刺激。但是他们看上去和平常人（这个要是定义起来我就不知道该怎么描述了）好像也没什么区别，一看就是个IT民工的那种，穿着公司的免费T恤没有破洞的牛仔裤腋下夹着一个笔记本另一只手里也许端着咖啡或者拿着一小包零食路上遇到人停下来边嚼边聊。第一次参加公司TGIF（Thanks God It's Friday，狂欢）见到Larry Page这个家伙，我非常受刺激，居然他的穿着看起来比我的还朴素（当然价格肯定不是我的BR可以比的），头发还乱糟糟的。和我想象中的几百亿身家的钻石王老五形象很不相符。后来我才明白其实这才是真正的形象－－不需要行头打扮，浑身自然显出身份。可惜那天没有带相机因此没照下来。

上面这些只是我对金钱的向往和嫉妒，因为不可求也不可遇，所以也只是嫉妒嫉妒罢了，当然没当真。现在上班几周了，印象最深的就是大家的玩。我的office门口对着公司的休息室，里面有两个大屏幕是玩X360之类的，天天有人在那里弹吉他游戏，如果有时想专心干活我们就只好把门关起来，还有乒乓球桌，现在每天午饭后我都要和同事来几局，水平正在渐渐提高中，还有台球桌，使用率非常高，基本上从上午11点到下午7点一大半时间有人在打。我来了一周后就发现了一个现象：一个胖胖的同事天天抱着吉他（今天似乎没见到，我就觉得很奇怪），一个长头发的天天拿着台球杆。我现在也基本上每天打一次台球，昨天最高兴的是把一个据说水平很不错的同事打败了－－第一轮我就连续打进了四个。不过实事求是说我的水平还是beginner阶段。还有桌上足球和游戏机，但是似乎没有什么人玩。其实我还是很喜欢玩那个桌上足球的。

当然公司付钱不是让大家来玩和吃的（比我想象中的差好多，当然，也许也是因为我自己不适应西餐的缘故，而且其实我也想象到这点）。Work hard, play hard。重点还是work。大家上班还是很卖力的。和其他IT公司一样大家上班时间很灵活，反正没有人管，只要自己把任务完成就好，就是不来公司留在家里工作也可以，只要事先和manager说好。很多人是晚到晚走型的（当然晚走和在公司吃晚饭也有一定关系），像我的同事每天晚上在office干到10点之后才回家，周末还来自觉加班，把我佩服得不行。我现在留在这里也很晚了（9点半），但其实今天9:20a-8:30p把活完成了，现在只是为了把这个blog八卦完而已然后就回家放心休息了。那个CNN文章提到这里有很多很聪明的人，这点我是很愿意相信的。但是因为我刚来，玩的东西属于体力活还算比较容易上手，但是脑力活还在学习和适应阶段，因此暂时还没有和其他同事有太多的交流，因此对牛人们没有太深的体会。

题目写着走马观花，也不知道是否正确，因为这里至少现在是我的驻马店了。边走边看。

insane

最近经常听到insane这个词。

比如上班第一周和mentor说起古狗商店里一些东西的价格，他听了以后第一反应就是oh really? that's insane!! 比如这个，$24.95 for one 128M usb driver 。就是古狗字样镀金也不值得这么贵，而且128M根本就是个鸡肋。员工有半价但是要收运费，又是insane。比如那个Vista关机菜单事件，昨晚下班回家后我把Moishe blog上那些comments粗略看了一下，很多人的反应也是that's insane。但是谁又知道自己的公司或者自己以后会不会那样呢。而且我得承认把那些八卦从头到尾看了一遍也是很insane的。又比如这几天我们office insanely hot。我说有100F，也许夸张了点，但是同事说80F估计就是保守了。今天坐在里面心情特别浮躁，有一种心脏被压迫的感觉，根本没法专心干活。终于受不了了躲到一个会议室里，刚和tech lead讨论完工作，又不想干活了。（今天同事问起blog地址因此我想也许你们会看到这个，我可没说公司坏话啊，呵呵）。

感觉自己最近就很insane。

This is hilarious

美国人似乎很喜欢用hilarious这个词来形容一些很funny的东西。今天听到同事讲的一个微软Vista的关机菜单的八卦，回来查了一下，确实好玩。可惜现在的blogger系统又有问题，不能直接创建连接，只好手动拷几个过来。有人说古狗是昨天的微软，但愿明天的古狗不要有这样的故事。天知道。

原始的是Moishe发在这里的：
“The Windows Shutdown crapfest”

简单说Moishe是一个以前在MS参与Vista开发的，Joel批评了Vista，Moishe就出来承认那个关机功能是他设计的，准确说不是他一个人，还包括其他42个编程、测试和管理人员，代码一共只有200多行，历时一年。Moishe现在被古狗挖走了，在blog上爆了这桩八卦，结果引起了热烈关注。看了一下这大概是一周多前的事情了。

中文版的概括是刘江的“惊爆Vista开发小内幕：仅关机菜单就耗费了一人年”：

题目稍微哗众取宠了一些，请看官莫怪。我这是在练习新闻笔法，呵呵，:O。

本来以为大名鼎鼎的Joel Spolsky（对，就是那个《Joel说软件》的Joel）对Vista的有趣批评，大概是这两天最有趣的帖子了。

没想到很快因此而引出的关于Vista臃肿的关机菜单的一点内幕趣闻更让人绝倒。

前微软人Joel的文章指出，Vista光一个关机菜单就有7个选项，实在有违潮流。而另一个前微软人Moishe Lettvin则坦诚相认，说这个菜单就是他花了一年设计的，用了200行代码。他还大倒苦水，说这个特性牵扯了Windows Shell组、Windows Kernel组和他所在的Windows Mobile PC User Experience组，一个组差不多都有8个人：
# 1 program manager
# 1 developer
# 1 developer lead
# 2 testers
# 1 test lead
# 1 UI designer
# 1 user experience expert

而每个8人的小组都有6层管理人员在上面，最后还有一个共同的大经理（Shared Manager）。因此总共算下来，有43个人与关机菜单这个特性有关！！！这之间的扯皮和冲突可想而知，集成周期最后变成了几个月。

Joel此后又发了一个帖子说，90年代微软曾将IBM的开发团队，尤其是失败的OS/2团队（微软曾经与之合作开发，但中途退出，然后推出了NT，成就一代霸业）作为前车之鉴，总结出经验教训。而从1991年到2006年不过15年，微软也重蹈覆辙，用了5年才非常混乱地完成了旗舰产品的更新。

如果Software Developement杂志还在出的话，这绝对能入选新的软件开发恐怖故事了。不知道Dr. Dobb's Journal是否还有可能容纳这样有趣的文章。

翻译这些，绝不是想说微软这样一个伟大软件公司的坏话。事实上，我一直认为微软的存在是目前软件开发界革新的动力源泉之一，要么是微软自己驱动的，要么是为了反微软而驱动的。而且我深信微软有突破自身的决心和能力。

其实那位揭内幕的现在已经到Google的Moishe老兄，也在今天补充说，他所共事的老同事中绝对没有笨蛋，问题出在体制上。而且Vista的规模也使微软内部的体制和文化问题放大了。他相信微软正在改变。不过，他也强调，在Google，一切都不相同，并给出了一位同事关于敏捷开发的文章链接（文章名为”好的敏捷与坏的敏捷“）。

看来家家都有难念的经，几年后的世界是什么样子，恐怕谁也说不清楚。

从软件工程的角度看，敏捷方法的大行其道，看来是必然的。Moishe就为微软辩护说，微软内部也有小组是用Scrum的……。

对了，Moishe还有一点爆料，说他们设计Vista时，手头都有一台苹果的Mac作为榜样，呵呵，原来那些传说都是真的。几年前，在手机正在拼长相甚至到了镶金挂玉的时候，我曾经和苹果中国的人说，你们外观设计这么强，赶快做手机啊。现在这真的成了现实（当然与我的建议并无关系）。

从目前图书的销售来看，程序设计、数据库这些硬知识领域已经远不及以Photoshop、3dmax主打的图形图像领域了。未来，也许真的是属于搞设计的那些人？

吃饭

今天heater热得让大家都受不了了。有借口没法专心干活了。

刚才在公司吃吃饭，照样很难吃，我还是不习惯那些墨西哥式的炒饭。就跟同事瞎聊吃饭。想起小时候语文课文里哪个名人说的：有的人活着是为了吃饭，有的人吃饭是为了活着。那时候老师解释说前者很猥琐，听起来有点像寄生虫似的，而后者很高尚，吃饭只是为了能够继续活着（然后为人类解放而斗争）。小时候的心灵很单纯因此很相信老师说的话，立志要吃饭为了活着。现在发现不是那么回事。其实我现在就属于后者，但是是痛苦地－－要是不吃饭也可以活着，有时候我真不想吃饭，尤其还是这么难吃的。

星期一

照例要总结上周成果和计划本周工作。照例没什么可写的。上班第五周开始。

早上躲在被窝里特别不愿意起床，后来也许是因为走得匆忙，把进公司的门卡忘在家里，parking之后又把进parking building的门卡忘在车里，到办公室看到大小managers今天都比我早到一步。以前听说上班后有周一综合症，看来我已经中招了。office还是暴热，看来heater还没修好，每个人一进办公室就感觉到了然后都问一下isn't it insanely hot here，最后都加一句or is it just me。一模一样，哈哈。

周末带了paper回家本来以为没事做就读一读，发现根本看不进去。后来看了一部电影：Love Actually。还不错。尤其是一开头的音乐是改自"love is all around"的一首"Christmas is all around"，旋律很熟悉很好听。英国奶油Hugh Grant主演的。看了一会儿就觉得调子似曾熟悉，果然是Notting Hill同一个制片出来的。里面有几个love stories，不过大多看起来就不真实，或者说都不真实。最好玩的两个一个是love unspoken，一个是love is elementary。



（看到blogspot的一个bug，上报后发现答案在这里：http://status.blogger.com/）
（google的官方blog在这里：http://googleblog.blogspot.com/）

Impossible is nothing

hahaha

"All the money is on USC, but the Bruins never believe it."

UCLA 13:9 USC

It's just hard to describe how happy I am to see this result as a Bruin! Impossible is nothing!

http://uclabruins.cstv.com/sports/m-footbl/recaps/120206aaa.html

Bruins End Trojans National Championship Hopes with 13-9 Victory

Patrick Cowan passes for 114 yards and runs for another 55 for UCLA.

Dec. 2, 2006

PASADENA, Calif. (AP) - Step aside, Trojans. Your chase for the national championship is over.

UCLA knocked No. 2 USC out of the Bowl Championship Series title game with a stunning 13-9 victory over its crosstown rival Saturday.

The Bruins did it with a vastly improved defense and a quarterback starting on three days' notice.

Patrick Cowan passed for 114 yards, ran for another 55, and the Bruins snapped a seven-game losing streak to the Trojans in paving the way for a Michigan-Ohio State rematch or an Ohio State-Florida matchup for the national championship Jan. 8 in Glendale, Ariz.

The final BCS standings and bowl pairings will be announced Sunday.

The Trojans moved into position for a game-winning touchdown, but Eric McNeal deflected and then made a diving interception of John David Booty's pass at the UCLA 20-yard line with 1:10 remaining.

USC's bid for a third straight appearance in the national title game was over.

The Trojans got one final shot at winning, but Booty's desperation pass from deep in USC territory fell incomplete, and the celebration was on at the Rose Bowl. Moments after it was all over, defensive end Justin Hickman led teammates into the UCLA student section.

In addition to having their national championship hopes ended, the Trojans (10-2, 7-2 Pac-10) had their NCAA-record scoring streak of 63 games in which they had scored 20 or more points snapped.

The loss was USC's fourth in the last 59 games. As Pac-10 champions, the Trojans will return to Pasadena on New Year's Day and play in the Rose Bowl game.

The Bruins (7-5, 5-4) hadn't beaten USC since 1998, when they beat the Trojans for the eighth straight time. UCLA, a winner of three straight games, will face Florida State in the Emerald Bowl on Dec. 27 in San Francisco.

No. 1 Ohio State locked up its berth in the BCS title game by beating then-No. 2 Michigan 42-39 two weeks ago in the regular-season finale for both teams. USC moved ahead of the Wolverines in the BCS standings last weekend after beating Notre Dame 44-24.

The game at the Rose Bowl was delayed briefly with 5:52 remaining after a punt, when UCLA gathered for a team huddle a couple of yards onto the field. USC decided to do the same thing, and seconds later, the players began bouncing up and down and waving their homes, triggering offsetting unsportslike conduct penalties.

The coaches and officials made the players keep their distance.

USC then moved to the Bruins' 18 before McNeal's game-clincher on a third-and-four play.

UCLA coach Karl Dorrell decided Wednesday that Cowan, who had started UCLA's previous six games, would get the call at quarterback rather than Ben Olson, who started the first five games but hasn't played since tearing a knee ligament Oct. 7.

Dorrell said two days earlier that Olson would get the call if he seemed to be up to it in practice.

Cowan completed 12 of 21 passes and carried 10 times. Booty completed 23 of 39 passes for 274 yards and the one costly interception.

秋天

就这样过去了，如果这里也有冬天，如果这里的冬天也是从12月开始的话。

这几天的夜晚很冷。昨天中午我突然很想念当时mlc在广播里读这段歌词时的调调：无所谓什么坚强/无所谓什么悲伤/我从来都是这样/没有方向。许巍一开口就是：这冬天充满阳光，可我依然迷茫。迷茫。

这个秋天，找到工作，买了新车，新的生活开始。二十多年的学生时代就这样度过了。那天和老板道别了两次，也不知道该说些什么，也许因为还在同一个城市，因此不是那么感伤，总觉得可以经常回去。可是其实也很难，因为环境不一样了，就像那天Rocie说的：you will be a guest next time。那天想起两年前炜哥毕业时Tony说的：以后就是你自己对自己负责了。有许多新的理想就在远方，对未来却没有把握。

这冬天充满阳光 可我依然迷茫
我听到你的歌声 随风飘荡
你站在水的中央 让我充满幻想
你让我进入水底 长发会永远不脏
这诱惑让我向往 这歌声给我幻想
我却总回头留恋 岸上风光
这夏天没有阳光 我还站在岸上
河水已经干枯 不再流淌
听不到你的歌声 只有风声在响
看不见你的身影 今昔梦在何方
无所谓什么坚强 无所谓什么悲伤
我从来都是这样 没有方向

第一次

领工资。以前当postdoc的不算，今天是第一次在公司里领工资。早上到office后第一件事照例是查email，然后就是看钱包，发现多了两笔。我以为其中小的那笔是报销拿回来的，感到很伤心－－都不够付一张信用卡的帐单啊，而且还是balance最少的那张（不算那几张不用的），我倒。后来查了一下报销记录，才明白报销的还没到，这一笔只是这后半个月的，小的那笔是之前半不完整月的，加起来付信用卡当然还是够的。这个月我留了30%给401k，因此所剩无几，也属正常。

想起很多年以前本科同学们在北京工作的拿到第一个月工资总是要回学校一起腐败，成了大家一个难忘的传统，我的看来等明年夏天了。先纪念一下。

Iris

前几天翻出一张刚来美国时买的原声CD：City of Angels。真是很经典的电影和音乐。男女主角都是我很喜欢的，那时他们也正年轻。这是我买过最贵的CD之一，但是绝对物有所值。

里面最喜欢的则是这首Goo Goo Dolls的Iris，沧桑沙哑的声音很动情感人，完全衬托出整个影片的情调。而歌词写得也是很好很好。当年还算年少轻狂：And I don't want the world to see me / Cause I don't think that they'd understand。



另外有人用James Blunt的You're Beautiful配乐制作了一个video，音乐和画面居然也结合得很好。这歌不是电影所带。

非典型上班日志

8点半，到停车场，天气很好，停车场在4楼，可以俯瞰周围的街道，很宁静。

9点，第一个到office，十五分钟后老板到，我去吃早饭，牛奶+干粮。

10点，group meeting，上周只有三天因此今天也没啥新东西可讨论，半个小时就结束了。但愿这周能把任务都按计划完成。

11点半，突然很想回学校看看，就给学校的老板发信，问什么时候一起吃饭或者我下午去学校听讨论班，被告知等他有空了再联系，去不成了。

12点半，午饭。饭后半小时乒乓球，出了一身汗，喝了两瓶冰咖啡。

1点半，打完回来有点累，想先写点什么，开始了却不知道写什么好（因此下面的time stamp仍然是1点43的）。继续干活。

肚子开始不舒服。看了一会儿youtube的video，发现不能存playlist和favorite。

4点，吃了一盒酸奶。打了一盘台球。manager也去打了一盘，技术很好。回来继续看文档。

6点半，肚子更不舒服，头也疼。又去打了一盘台球。公司里有两个人每天都在休息室遇到，每次看到一个总在玩吉他游戏，另一个总在打台球。

7点，今天晚饭迟到了。同事过来问了一个概率问题。没回答上来。

7点半，晚饭。同事告诉了一个好消息：他拿到劳工卡了，不到三个月。太幸运了。我跟公司谈过可是被告知F1 visa不能开始申请GC，唉，郁闷。一想到要离开三个月就头疼，因为生活变得更加不确定起来，很多东西就没法计划了。不想了，计划赶不上变化。

7点50，写了今天的总结，计划再干点活，9点下班。

突然觉得很萧瑟。

夜宴

下班回家前和同事聊起近期看的电影 ，我说昨天刚看了夜宴，他哈哈大笑－－不会这么没品味吧。呵呵，我一说这片子还成，大家都笑了。

不过我觉得确实还成，别人怎么看没关系。至少不乏味，也算有点情节，而且画面也不算太夸张（只是那个白面具实在难看），音乐也还成（我刻了CD了）。在看过无极之后，我对片子的忍耐能力好像得到了空前的提高，唉。。。

我是欣赏章子仪的，至少她很努力，虽然也有很多人说她张狂，可是又有几个明星没有脾气，很多小道其实是香港狗仔队炮制出来的，原因则是嫉妒和记恨。又退一步说其实就算有很多缺点，也和欣赏优点是无关的。这个片子里章的演技还是很不错的，当然我的评价没什么参考价值。。。

不过还是更喜欢冯小刚的贺岁片，虽然低成本制作，但是看得亲切－－讲的至少还是老百姓可以想象范围之内的故事，不像帝王那样虚幻。

下面的花絮是英文的，不知道什么时候在美国放过。不过我是不会去电影院再看一次的。

旧时光

刚看了一个朋友写的blog，回忆以前的朋友，真的很温馨，因此她总是很难忘那里的时光，觉得这里很不一样很不习惯。我以前总是说其实哪儿都一样，可是其实我也知道到一个新地方之后的变化是不小的，不管是环境还是人。尤其如果有时不开心的时候，常常容易想起以前的美好时光。看到她写的我都觉得很感人了，何况这些记忆她曾亲历其中，自然更是难忘。

我的一个朋友alec，她总是念念不忘在印第安纳小镇的生活，觉得LA这样的完全不适合自己。我们以前打趣说在比如purdue那样的地方，生活那么单调，因此除了挖坑灌水，如果有菜地种种玉米还好，不然也许只有变态一条路了。玩笑归玩笑，那个地方是偏僻，可是只要有人有朋友，生活就会有许多记忆吧，也许好的也许不好的。alec常常说的理由就是小镇的人更温情，不像LA这里这么冷漠。我出国后只在这里生活了几年，没有比较，因此我也没有什么感觉。不过也许真的有点冷漠吧。城市这么大，看一下朋友都得坐车开车。大家仿佛也都很懒。

我去过纽约，那里更加匆忙我不喜欢，因为习惯了LA这样的悠然自得。可是一年前其实我是特别渴望去东部体验一下生活，然后再争取回来的。上次去SF，朋友们都劝我转去那里。可是想了想，我还是留恋这里。也许这就是懒惰的恋旧吧。其实对我来讲，在什么地方没关系，反正我总会适应下来，但是要有朋友才会觉得快乐。

从小到大一直在学习，迁移，因此朋友仿佛一路上不停遇到然后分开。和大多数朋友们很久没有联系了。上次在SF遇到邻居，一起打台球，就说起当年我和他哥一起上学的趣事，那是小学，接近二十年前的了。想到小学我总是想起那时候和他哥还有另一个同学躲在草堆下面打牌逃学，还有和男生们一起在放学路上躲起来吓唬女生。而提起初中，我总是会想起初一时和两个同学在蚊帐里卧谈组织诗社，那个小本子后来不知道什么时候丢掉了，想起初二时我们班组织的超级成功的晚会，我和班长自编自演的相声，那个班花一个人表演了六个歌舞节目其中一个是我们四个男生伴舞的亚洲雄风。哦也许这个伴舞是初三因为亚运会应该是在秋天。回忆太多了乱了，都存在硬盘里，平时是不会想起的。

看到公司的台球桌我常常想起大学时的老乡死党文兴和青山，大四那年我们去了密云在那里打了一天的台球，还是公费，真正意义的腐败。上次回去文兴要在家哄小女儿因此没能回去聚会，我和青山在一个叫老朋友的饭店腐败，一晃又一年多过去了，青山的孩子都上学了。时间真快。很久没有联系了。

偶尔想想以前的日子，简单而美好。而现在的，有时总会觉得有点浮躁，有点想得太多做得太少的感觉。人经历越多懂得越多，就会有点自以为是了，总觉得应该是这样不应该是那样，可生活常常不是主观的，而且需要自我负责的事情越来越多，于是才会烦恼吧。这其实都是生活的一部分。大多数人都会经历的吧。因此也没什么。至少还有梦想，还有朋友，因此现在总还是美好的。

信息时代

新的一周开始了，又要写汇报和计划，早上和老板简单谈了一下，决定这周的任务还是继续看文章。老板在感恩节的早上找到了wikipedia上的一条信息，里面有很多我们读过的参考文献。我刚来的时候就询问过老板，有没有我们group的内部wiki，因为我觉得像我们现在做的东西有点research-based性质，那么wiki这样的形式有助于大家互相讨论和交流，尤其是对我这样新来的考古很有帮助。以前在学校的时候要是有什么idea，一般就用latex写一个简单的report，但是这里大家不喜欢用latex因为麻烦。公司有内部wiki，但我们group的刚开始起步基本还是空白，因此我的学习也就是从scratch开始了。

昨天晚上和一个朋友聊到wiki，我问她用过没有，她很惊讶我居然问这样的问题，因为答案是显而亦然的。确实有点怪，好像我认识不少人是不常使用wikipedia的，包括来美国时间很久的。包括我自己以前其实也不常用。如果遇到问题，第一个尝试一般是用google（这个早期可以追溯到N年前在国内时下雨天查快餐外卖店的电话和腐败时查郭林饭店的电话），基本上只要输入得当那么就能够找到一些答案。现在wikipedia的信息越来越全，因此很多条目用google查询时在前几条就可以看到wiki了，但是在两年前并不是这样，wiki的壮大很大程度和web2.0的发展有关，而且需要时间积累和普及。如果查文献，那么google scholar是一个很好的选择，或者再搜索jstor（那里有一些google查不到的ocr版旧文章），如果是一些具体的编程问题google不到的，那么newsgroup就是一个非常好的工具，因为它是“交互式”的，只要问题合适那么有很多热心人会很快回答（比如comp.lang.c++上的大牛victor，我的很多问题是他先回答的）。至于bbs和forum，那基本上已经退化成灌水聊天的地方，正经回答问题的人不会太多，尤其是国外的中文论坛就更是只有风花雪月了。我是很喜欢newsgroup形式的，刚到公司我就建议改mailist为newsgroup，因为有archive的功能，顺便还查了一下bbs的idea有没有人提过，发现有人评价过"too ancient..."，倒。关于wiki，顾名思义是百科全书，因此更主要是信息功能，而不是问答功能，作为科普学习是很不错的，上周上班收集数据时基本上每天都在使用。

早上遇到一个gaim的bug问题，在mailist上一问，一分钟后就有人回了答案，太迅速了。现在信息爆炸，公司的文档据说一年都读不完，我只能愚公移山了，还好这样每天可以进步一点点。

Too little too late

by Jojo. Recommended.



---------
Ooh no

Come with me, stay the night
You say the words but boy it don't feel right
What do you expect me to say (You know it's just too little too late)
You take my hand, and you say you've changed
But boy you know your begging don't fool me
Because to you it's just a game

So let me on down
Cause time has made me strong
I'm starting to move on
I'm gonna say this now
Your chance has come and gone
And you know

It's just too little too late
A little too wrong
And I can't wait
Boy you know all the right things to say (You know it's just too little too late)
You say you dream of my face
But you don't like me
You just like the chase
To be real, it doesn't matter anyway (You know it's just too little too late)

I was young and in love
I gave you everything but it wasn't enough
And now you wanna communicate
Go find someone else

In letting you go, I'm loving myself
You gotta problem
But don't come asking me for help
Cause ya know

It's just too little too late
A little too wrong
And I can't wait
Boy you know all the right things to say (You know it's just too little too late)
You say you dream of my face
But you don't like me
You just like the chase
To be real, it doesn't matter anyway (You know it's just too little too late)

I can love with all of my heart baby
I know I have so much to give (I have so much to give)
With a player like you, I don't have a prayer
That's the way to live, yeah oh

It's just too little, too late
Yeah

It's just too little too late
A little too wrong
And I can't wait
Boy you know all the right things to say (You know it's just too little too late)
You say you dream of my face
But you don't like me
You just like the chase
To be real, it doesn't matter anyway (You know it's just too little too late)

感恩节

过去了。

这是在美国的第六个感恩节了。记得第一年的时候只知道是个节日放假了，然后睡到自然醒起来已是中午，看到周围的人一个个拎着大包小包购物回来觉得很好奇，一问原来有促销，就很高兴地也去附近的CC买了一个电话机，后来rebate却没有收到。一晃五年已经过去了，却仿佛还在昨天。

第二年好像起了大早去抢购，那时候家门口不远就是CC，可是也不记得买了些什么，不外乎就是一些空白cdr之类的，好像那年还买了一个mp3，只有32M内置存储，后来给了弟弟又很快就被他淘汰了。第三年第四年好像都是用buy&return&rebuy，就是提前买好了，然后周五那天拿着receipt去退掉。这样的做法也许很不厚道，但是第三年我在周三去买内存条的时候，却赫然发现已经有人先动手把512M的抢光了。一年年过去很快就觉得也没啥意思，需要的东西只要耐心平时也可以买到好的deal，而不需要的买了也没用。去年是第五个，又是睡到自然醒起来之后，已是快正午了，想起compusa有一个mp3据说不错，就和室友一起去了pico&westwood那里，很高兴地远远看到居然没有排队的。室友说可能是大家都买完回家了。到了一看，发现那个店早已经关掉走人了，开得好像都不到半年。后来又转悠了几个店，却遍寻不到我想要的cdr。现在好像大家都用dvd刻录了，可是对于我这样的土人cdr还是很有吸引力的，至少一些软件和音乐需要用到它。

昨天跟朋友说好像我还没有在感恩节吃过火鸡。也许我记错了，因为第一年的时候我住在集体宿舍，伙食是统一供应的，那天应该是有火鸡的。不过对火鸡的毫无印象也说明了我并不喜欢这种吃起来有点硬的东西。对于我来讲，节日吃什么不重要，重要的是有机会和一些朋友在一起聚一下。好像平时大家越来越懒惰，节日有时候成了一个借口或者机会大家见面。其实朋友多少并不重要，联系是否频繁也不重要，重要的是有那些或者那个你一想起来就感到温馨的朋友。也许这是心态老了的标记。

这个感恩节我觉得自己不会买因为根本没兴趣早起也没啥需要的，但是后来又买了很多东西。星期四在CC网上定购了一个2G的usb drive，刚好正是我需要用的，还把留了两年多的一张gift card用掉了。星期五凌晨从朋友那里吃喝玩乐之后回家，当时许多人在外面商店排队，我在staples网上下了订单：空白的cdr（这东西现在比以前贵，在电子产品里算很邪门的了），dvd+r和dvd-r（一直没明白+/-的区别），内置和外接各一个硬盘（200G+320G，这下我再不用担心硬盘空间不够了也不用删东西了，只是不知道我那老dell是否拖得动），打印复印扫描传真的all-in-one（本来是想alec要买这个却要上班没法去买因此帮她买了，后来她自己起了大早抢到了，我就留着自用了，有传真也方便），还有一个mp3（也是想帮shao备份的，后来他自己也抢到了）。一看单子400多，是迄今最大的一次感恩节抢购了。不过既不费事又都可用，因此也很满足。

周四晚上是在三年级zhu家聚会的，我们这些人经常在一起，尤其是在我这级的同学毕业之后我就基本上是和他们那级的混了。然后昨天和同一拨人去了outlet，人山人海，在parking lot转来转去等了半个多小时，最后还是屈服了开出去到一个比较远的地方，很容易就找到了空位，走回的路上和shao不由得一起感叹真是退一步海阔天空哪。我情绪不是很高，没什么可买的，因为上次在北加已经大采购了。也是在北加朋友帮忙的那次，我多少知道了一些牌子，和可以在outlet使用的coupon，昨天带的conpon在gap用上了。gap和BR都在排长长的队－－进门排一次，交钱再排一次，很疯。后来在levis看到一件sweater不错看起来很清新，就买了总算也不虚一行。想起以前我总是穿黑白或者暗色的，后来朋友建议还是清新明快的颜色更适合显得有朝气，我深感赞同。我以前觉得暗色可以让自己显得成熟一些，可是其实外观的稳重只是给那些不了解我的人看的，因此并不重要。

感恩节的时候我在想在这个感恩的季节我应该感谢很多人。我以前和师弟师妹们玩的时候经常开玩笑教育他们要感恩。其实也就是要知足和珍惜了。我总觉得自己很幸运，遇到了很多对我很好的人，得到了很多人的帮助，我很感激，觉得自己很快乐。只是从小到大，需要感谢的人是那么多，却一时无法说完。上次找工作总结的时候已经说了一些。再早的也不列举了。感恩节那天收到linda的来信，以前我总觉得她是个大大咧咧的小女生，却没注意到她是一个很有思想和主见的朋友，对我说的那些话很深刻，让我很感动。我还很感激新认识的几个朋友，不仅因为他们给我的帮助让我感到很多的快乐，更因为他们给了我机会让我更多地了解自己。还有许多朋友，我想祝福你们都快乐。

ps：刚看到msn上的留言，原来那天我的reviewer果然是wotao推荐的。我想试试看这个周末能不能读懂那个文章然后决定是否要接受，毕竟可能是个锻炼的好机会。

我只能为你画一张小卡片

晚上看了一本书 ，几米漫画《我只能为你画一张小卡片》，纸张版的。很吸引人。信息时代很久没有读纸本书了。其实我也是很喜欢写卡片的，不过我不会自己画，而且跟书的序言写的那样－－常常不知道要写些什么。看了这个漫画，几米看似漫不经心的自然话语，真的很有趣。难怪以前很多人成了他的粉丝。

每个人都有送卡片的经验，

常常卡片打开了，却不知道要写什么？

想说的话很多，千头万绪，最后只好写着：

“祝你幸福”、“身体健康”、“万事如意”……

这样的祝福语平淡得让人连卡片都懒得寄，

幸福、健康、如意就这么飘浮在空气中，

永远到不了对方的手里。

至于要自己亲手画一张，

那更是为难。

……

勇敢地说出心事吧！

你可以为我画一张小卡片，

我也很乐意为你画一张小卡片，

但是只是一张，

真心诚意的祝福只能盖一次邮戳。

（更多的可以到这里看：http://xixier.gymc.net/jimi/kapian.htm）

熬

早上到公司打开信箱一看，有一个"Request to review for ..."，一个journal要我当reviewer。哈哈，第一反应就是：我居然也熬成婆了。想起去年申请工作时看师姐的resume做参考，上面列着好多个journal的reviewer，心里很羡慕，想着有一天要是我也可以review别人的paper就好了，想枪毙谁就枪毙谁。现在看来这个其实也很普通。比如今天这个journal，我都没投稿过，也不知道他们怎么找到我的，也许是别人推荐（我们专业很好的一个journal，我的collaborators在上面发过几次），也许是恰好搜索到我在网上的资料，因为里面的topics和我以前找工作时在主页上写的完全一样。

不过这种活其实也不容易。我简单瞄了一眼那个paper，基本没看懂。。。按照title->abstract->references的顺序找了找，这个topic估计我们系大部分人都能够多少懂一点点，但是要深究就难了，比如reference部分我们系的只有一个。准备等下班后再看看怎么回事，估计我也只能放弃这次机会了。看来婆婆也不容易当啊。

又想到昨天被要求当internal reference，仿佛昨天还是我在找人写reference的，今天就轮到我给别人打分了。其实变化只有一点点，但确实好像有点不同了，不禁有点得意，哈哈。

熬啊熬，熬到婆婆桥。。。

民工

机器不停在忙碌中。今天是上班以来收获最多的一天：从网上下载了近9000幅的图片。这是一个纯粹的民工体力活：修改参数，运行程序，等待，搞定，下一步还要做人工筛选。我做起来很高兴－－看到硬盘一点点被吃掉，可都是工作成果啊，hoho。发现当IT民工的感觉很好。

最近一直在看论文，头都大了，有时候感觉都有点恶心，因为看完之后简直一点收获都没有，更不用说还应该写总结和编程了。不止是看论文有审美疲劳，今天发现对饮料也不感兴趣了，一整天居然只在早上刚来时喝了一杯热咖啡，然后改成吃水果了。这周的工作计划我列了三项，现在看来连收集数据这个最基本的活都要很费尽才可能完成了，其实民工也不容易。

上下午各参加了一个conference call meeting，之后特别不想干活，就一直听歌。然后开始上MSN，破了戒，却发现linux机器上Gaim没法生成文件，看到很多人在线，却又突然没有了说话的欲望。感恩节就快到了，仿佛大家都在准备happy time：今天大manager选择work from home，明天officemate请假要去旅行，中午吃饭遇到irvine的朋友说明天work from irvine，我在总部的mentor上周末就已经下来work from here然后可以在家里过节了。下午在office里跟大家瞎侃我就想起了那句话：人心散了，队伍不好带了。

今天中午和我的推荐人吃饭，昨天中午和总部来的mentor吃饭，公司提供午饭和晚饭，一般午饭就是一个很好的交际场所，很方便，通过这我也认识了一些朋友，而因为晚饭，每天我和很多人一样在公司里呆到八点才回家，虽然其实饭基本上很难吃。今天还有两个新收获：收到公司HR的信让我给一个国内同校的校友打分。可是我根本不认识，因此只能选择放弃打分，不然说谎话对其他人也不好。另一件事是我推荐的第一个朋友开始under screened，但愿会给他面试的机会，希望以后会有更多的朋友加入。

程序终于结束了，放学了。

听妈妈的话

前不久看到一个朋友提到这首歌，以前也听过很多次，感觉不是很深。但是昨天在家和今天上班的时候从收音机里再次听到，突然觉得很好听。感触很多，但是没能及时写下来。也许歌里已经说得很多了。

Hitch

这个周末在家看了几个电影。其中一部是Hitch。当时听朋友推荐情节的时候我依稀觉得这个片子我看过，后来一播放果然是。但是不可否认的一点是我觉得这个片子值得一看。

昨天跟那个朋友谈起这个片子讲的是什么。她说她看到的是：有许多人其实很优秀，但是是内秀，不知道怎么和人沟通，更不知道怎么去追求异性，因此男主角Hitch就出来帮助这些人如何与人相处。这只是片子的内容。确实讲的就是这些：故事的配角Albert不知道如何追求意中人Allegra，因此Hitch帮他设计一下：应该怎样约会，怎样说话，怎样跳舞，怎样kiss，等等。最后Albert真的追上了Allegra。可是一个人是很难改变的。Allegra惊讶地质问Hitch：你为什么要调查我的喜好，然后教Albert来照着取悦于我？可是Albert吸引Allegra的那些，比如吹口哨，比如那段滑稽的舞蹈，恰恰是Hitch认为决不应该出现的部分，是他认为不decent的一面，但也恰恰是Albert真实的一面。Albert没有能够按照Hitch教的那些去做，却用真实的自我赢得了美人归。

当然Allegra只有一个，确实有很多女孩不会喜欢Albert的那些滑稽。但是整个片子通过那些滑稽的故事讲述的，我觉得是这样一个道理：提高修养很重要，但是保持纯真的自我是更重要的。如果有些人不喜欢你无法改变或者很难改变的某些方面，那么也许她真的就不是适合你的，因为她不知道该如何去欣赏你。每个人其实都有优点缺点的。喜欢的感觉我想就是互相欣赏和包容吧。诚然，如果有一些坏毛病，那确实应该改掉而提高自己。但是有一些不是坏毛病，只是也许在别人眼中不是那么中规中矩而已。这个也许就是个性。一个人如果没有个性，如果一切都很中规中矩很完美，也许反而是让人觉得不容易靠近，反而不会有很多的欣赏者了。

我以前也总想着要如何改变自己，才能吸引女孩子的喜欢。可是很多东西很难改掉，因此我还是很boring的那种人。第一次看Hitch的时候我也只是像朋友说的那样只是看到了情节觉得很好玩而已，而这一次再看，就多了一点点小小的收获了，我当然还是希望自己会得到提高，但是不会为了什么而去刻意做点什么。人的交往也许就是这样的：学会欣赏别人，和寻找懂得欣赏自己的人。

小小的惊喜

下班回家，看到床上有一个特快大包裹。

打开箱子一看居然是个公司总部寄来的欢迎礼包。里面是一些小东西：贺卡，T恤，玩具，还有candy。

一个小小的惊喜：）

第一天上班

上周在总部培训，其实就是参加一些很大概的讲座然后自己看文档，基本上如果不想看的话就是玩一周而已。因此今天回到这边的office，可以算是第一天正式上班。

早上起了个大早，八点就出门了，八点半之前到了公司。问前台我该去哪儿，被告知等十点的orientation meeting。我又问那我可以去我办公室吗。被告知她不知道我的office在哪儿。我说那我找我manager或者mentor呢。她说这个点他们肯定还没到，预料之中。只好一个人去loundge里喝咖啡然后到处瞎逛。发现cafeteria很小，也是预料之中，当然不能和总部比了。

逛了一圈后下来打开笔记本上网，看到mentor在线，他带我又转了一圈。九点多manager来了。一见面说wow you came so early之类的，然后就带我去一个会议室里，在黑板上开始讲我以后要做的projects，有两个。我说我想先了解一下team现在在做什么。被告知我可以自己去看package，分特。。。

下午manager给我5篇paper加一个ppt让我读了然后总结比较再试验。还有某个大牛主页上有一个code连接据说也要让我去看看测试学习一下。任务很艰巨。manager习惯了小公司的紧张作风因此据说还是很pushy的。我要努力。

最土的是office，太小，一张桌子上放了两个lcd之后我放laptop就把其中一角挡住了。小屋子里有6个人，包括manager，大家也没有隔开。我之前已经下定决心上班时间不灌水了，但是和manager这么亲近总有点不自然。他说我可以选择去一个新的cubicle，我说好啊好啊，结果后来他请示了大头之后大头说我刚到还是先和team一个office容易熟悉，只好不搬了。这个team还要招一些人，因此隔壁的屋子以后也要归我们用。

中午吃饭，确实比总部那边差的不是一点两点，主食恰恰是我最不想吃的土豆泥。今天没有供应晚饭，因此晚上回家吃饭了。

下午就看ppt看paper了。6点多manager走了，7点多我倒数第二个回家。其实时间很随意，但是我很多东西不熟悉，有很多东西要学，因此还是想多呆一会儿，然后下班回家就不用想上班的事情了。

中午遇到了两个interview过我的人，有一个当时说good to see you here我还没反应过来，后来给几个interviewer都发了感谢信，然后去找了HR招我的那个，她问起visa问题，不知道是不是有问题，但愿如以前说的那样ok。傍晚victor过来打了招呼，他很热情，说之前就听到几个朋友说我要去那里了，不知道是我的哪些朋友帮忙介绍的。他明天要去总部因此等回来再向他请教，RJ也在总部。越发觉得总部不错，不过这里的这个group很对我的胃口，因此也不遗憾，等以后有机会再多上去出差了。

金门大桥夜色

11.10晚上和yj&yw在金门大桥边上的山上所照。

培训回来

（图为公司某餐厅外景一角）

从MV回来了。

在总部一周，觉得收获还是不小。学到了很多东西，发现有更多的东西需要学习。想起一句话：正因为未来不可预期，所以我们要保持信念。

总部人多，因此设施齐全得多，机会也多，比如有很多的tech talk，还有很多的project可以参与。总部有onsite的laundary(free)， haircut，oil change，massage，doctor，etc。cafeteria也很多个。不过一周我只吃了中餐，而最喜欢的是饮料，很多我从来没见过的，我最喜欢的绿茶就有几种。

mentor很nice，走之前和他道了别，他说也许过一阵子就要到SMO这边出差，他亲戚在这里。那天和jessie吃饭，说到当时我也许真应该选择去总部，因为在SF那边老朋友很多很多，而LA这里的却不多了大家都渐渐离开了。不过既然选择了留下来，因此还是很喜欢这里。

昨天每周五固定的一个员工非正式大会我去参加了，去晚了看到正在讲话的是一个年轻人，穿一件红色运动夹克和一条浅蓝的牛仔裤，后脑勺头发也许有点白，整个一典型的程序员形象，看得很眼熟，我想起也许是Larry Page，问边上的另一个新警察他说不知道。后来又上台一个，穿休闲衬衣和休闲裤子，我这才确定休闲的是Eric Schemidt而程序员确实是Larry。想他们各自几百亿的身价却居然这么平易近人，我虽然有预感到但还是有点吃惊。Larry介绍了公司的一些进展，
列出了很多自我创新的team表示感谢，我特意注意中国人的名字，三个team里只看到一个人有点像是。后来两个头目回答大家问题，畅所欲谈。结束了之后我过去找他们，新警察都带了帽子因此他们也知道，不过我没带相机因此也没合影，就走了，有个人告诉我以后机会还很多，因此也不着急。

回家了，准备新一周的开始。

附庸风雅了一把

晚上去听了黄河大合唱。应该算是音乐会吧。(http://www.yellowriver2005.org/)。在洛杉矶的Walt Disney Concert Hall。据说这个地方是全世界数一数二好的音乐厅。之前在google maps查了地图，不过还是WDCH网站上的简单，换几下就可以到了。也许google是按最短路查询的。

之前打听了parking问题。一不小心就过了WDCH的parking lot，然后转到另一家，居然没人值守。牌子上没写周末晚上免费。看到了好几个一样去听这个大合唱的中国人。惴惴不安之后，只好转到另一个lot。这样就耽误了一点时间，剩下不到十分钟了。

进场之前看到有很多人在音乐厅外面拍照留念。我没带相机，也没想要留什么念。就直接进去了。

一看位置还不错啊，就在演出台边上，背后是WDCH著名的管风琴。正高兴便宜也有好票呢，发现原来是在乐队和合唱团的背后。整场音乐会下来，台上的只有一个人的脸我看得最多最清楚，那就是指挥了。他是很有名的姜金一。有名是因为介绍说很有名，我以前没听过音乐会因此是不知道这些人的。他指挥很投入很动情。

坐下来后我还看了看四周。票是在CSSA订的因此我想看看有没有什么熟人。之前我怕一个人迷路因此在网上找人一起carpool没有人响应。我看了看，旁边都是一些中年人。没我认识的。纳闷到底有多少学生去了他们坐哪儿去了。观众大部分是中老年人，有一些带了小孩子。进场看到他们的时候我就想起以前经常听说这些年纪的海外中国人有很深的家乡情怀。

音乐会分上下两个半场。上半场是独唱小提琴独奏小合唱二重唱钢琴独奏。小提琴是陈曦。不知道怎么我总觉得这个名字很熟悉很有名。后来看了介绍他确实非常有名，但是才21岁，也许我记错了。看过“和你在一起”里的小提琴和很俗的“流行花园”里花泽类拉小提琴，我总觉得小提琴是非常优雅动听的。陈曦穿着白色的唐装，右侧还有一条红色的龙，他的姿态确实很优雅。很难想象他才21岁。钢琴独奏是江天。介绍上写着这些演员都是很著名的，但是我都不认识，因为我是乐盲。

这里要说这个所谓世界上数一数二的音乐厅：音响效果太差了。这些独唱和后面下半场合唱时的朗诵及独唱，声音都没有足够放大出来，也许是麦克风的位置设置问题。我也算离得近的，都听不清楚。因此我对这个音乐厅是没有太好的印象的。

下半场就是黄河大合唱了。今天的乐队是洛杉矶华人交响乐团（有不少老外面孔）。合唱团是洛杉矶的一些民间合唱爱好团体，因此也算是业余级别的。在河边对唱咱老三我问你那段的时候，一个居然唱错了词。观众有的笑了但都还是很宽容的，毕竟大家去那里不是为了欣赏专业音乐水准而只是为了那个主题而被吸引去的，也知道是业余的（因此能组织起来这么一场也是很不简单的）。

保卫黄河那一段，一开始观众拍掌合着，但是不知道怎么很快就没了。我也不知道是不是在这边音乐会上观众都应该是安静地欣赏的。其实那时候我都很想跟着唱出来。我想起十年前的一二九大合唱是在首都体育馆的，北京高校大合唱。记忆没剩多少，只记着气氛很热烈而我也是坐在胡锦涛李铁映的后面，当然，隔了好多牌的后面，因此被电视台扫到了我爸妈在家里居然还看到了。那时候我记得全场就是一起唱的。忘了是不是都站起来。今天去听音乐会的路上我就在想那个一二九来着。

我对音乐是一窍不通，因此只是重在掺和就去了。我自己觉得在美国难得听到一次这样的音乐会。我第一次。有一天我跟朋友说起，我说我要去感受一下爱国的热情我说我是爱国的吧，他说爱国啊那就别在这里找工作了回去报效祖国啊。我一下就被这个老套的说辞堵住了就不说了。今天去的路上我在想自己会不会很激动。不过事实是我没有太激动。也许是因为我一个人看而且边上没坐人的缘故。

然后是一个老生常谈的问题。音乐会之前和中场休息之后广播里不断提醒大家要关掉手机，不要拍照和摄影。但是场内闪光灯仍然此起彼伏。也许是我那个位置的关系，我那侧好像没人照像，但是其它三侧很多，尤其对面的，我看到那个人时不时举起相机，红灯一亮然后白光一闪，搞得我很烦。不知道那些演出的人会不会感觉到是的话他们估计也很烦。我当时就想，怎么每次都看到听到这样的问题出现呢。而且明明知道是禁止的，那些人还在不停的做，而且不仅不讲道德，智商也不够：那么远打闪光灯除了暴露自己外，对照相效果是没有用的，还不如关掉偷偷照。

回来的时候迷路了。还好问了然后回来了。找到I-10W入口的时候好高兴——可以回家了。

fail

I was very sorry to cancel a cherry u-pic event tonight, less than 10 hours before our schedule departuring time.

It's my first attemp and it's a failure now. I feel very sorry to those participants. One of the reason is that they set their weekend schedule to this event but now they can't make it fulfilled, another reason is that I had to inform them at a very late time. There's still two persons whom I couldn't get connected now.

I started to organize this event from two weeks ago. There're several orchards at Leona Valley planned to open from June 4th. Since some of my friends will leave LA next week and I have meeting with professors on Saturday, I pick the date as June 5th, the 2nd day of openning. As being in my thought, there should be plenty of cherry to choose when we arrive there. I sent serveral emails to some owners of the orchards but only got one reply from WRC. They told me that it's good to go on June 5th.

Then I sent invitations to many friends, including some friends from ucla and some from bbs. One friend also sent invitations to her friends. We invited about 50 people and finally got positive reply from about 20 people. I was so happy and proud to read the increasing of participants list.

But three days ago when I checked the update info from WRC, I was surprised to see that they postpone the opening date to next weekend. Their reason is due to the unexpected cold weather, which makes the cherry ripe slower than before. I got another reply from them and they inform me about the postpone. I called some other orchards, all of the reply I got are the same as WRC with the same reason. I was frustrated.

Then I got the email address of Ambers from google (thanks god there's something called google) (on the website of Ambers they only provide a form for contact and I submitted my query there but got no reply at all). I sent email to Ambers and got their reply that we can come up at Sunday June 5th (as I asked). Ambers is a big (and young, since 1997) orchard in Leona Valley. Amber is the name of the cute daughter in the owner's family. I changed the event and set the destination to Ambers instead of WRC.

Today(Saturday) I bought some snack and candy, juice for the trip. And then I called two friends whom I planed to pick up tomorrow. After printing the maps I reminded myself to call the auto answering phone of Ambers. It's a pity, bad news. I heard that Ambers has sold out all ripe cherry on June 4th and the next opening date would possibly be next weekend. What a bad news. I just couldn't believe it. Since it's answering machine and nobody was there to pick up the phone, I can't judge by myself whether my previour inquiry about Sunday u-pic is still valid or not. Although there're about 30 orchards in Leona Valley, I wonder whether we can find a good place to enter and pick up the cherry by ourselves.

After talking with some friends, I decided to cancel this event. The feeling is so bad. It's somehow like you have to give up something you like. I like to have an outdoor activity with friends. But this time I cant make it fulfilled. And I am so sorry to let my friends change their schedule in a late time which is close to the set schedule.

Anyway, it's failed and cant be reversed. I wish that next time I can organize a better one.

圆桌会议

今天去听一个会议。早上9点开始，下午最后一个节目是round table，五个各个学校学科的头目在主席台上畅谈，下面听众也不时提问参与。

这是一个年会，今年主题是数学在生物领域的应用。round table的话题当然也是围绕这个展开的：数学如何进入生物领域，前景，热点等等，why+what+how。头目们畅谈，中间夹杂一些风趣的笑话，比如一个枪手的故事：三个科学家在一起聊天，这时候强盗（gunman）来了，一个接一个问他们自己做的研究对人类有什么贡献，如果强盗觉得不满意就要开枪杀人。前面两个都被杀了，最后轮到了数学家。还没问数学家就先开口了：你还是快把我杀了吧，这个问题已经让我够痛苦的了。。。

听众也提一些问题。规定时间快结束的时候一个男士举手。他说他很犹豫，不知道该不该提出自己的问题。头目们就鼓励他说，as you want。他就开始说了。

一开始的语气就很低沉，越说越痛苦。在他说犹豫（very hesitated）的时候大家就开始都把目光投在他身上了。他说他一直被一个问题困扰，用我的话总结就是：我们是要专才还是要全才。他说自己在化学，工程，生物，数学等领域转来转去现在转回到了生物，在他上大学的时候老师对他说："you need to stick to a field and try to be an expert on it". 但他没有做到。他对很多东西都有兴趣，又仿佛没有兴趣。然后转来转去。现在30多年（3 decades）过去了回到了生物数学，可是他在哪儿都不是expert因此很难生存（survive），cannot get a position to stay。我看他好像不算老，看起来也就30多岁。开始时他说you can stop me when you want。头目们说dont worry, just speak out。但是后来他说的太久了，最后渐渐就差不多哭了。他说如果能回到三十年前他一定会听老师的话在一个领域混出来将它当作自己的基地（home base）然后再去进攻其它的领域。很多人举手想接过话题，头目们后来终于找了一个他停顿的机会赶紧叫了另一个人发言。

那个人坐在我后面，他说自己也被这个问题困惑过。他说了一会儿，但我没听清楚，主题词就是困惑和鼓励那个男的。这时那个男的又把话题抢过去了，说了一会儿。趁他喘息的功夫头目们赶紧叫了另一个举手的。那个人是个女老师。她说以她的经历她完全能理解那个男的感受。她在化学，MBA，数学，生物几个领域转过。她说了自己的很多感受。

然后头目开始发言。其实头目们看到这种局面也不轻松，气氛凝重而尴尬。我们学校的dean很nice地接过话题，说自己能理解他们的困惑，然后讨论multi-discipline的问题。几个头目说了一会儿。中间那个男的插话了几次但是都被及时控制了。

又有几个听众要求发言。预定结束时间已经过了。头目叫了前排的一个。他说了自己的困惑：不知道自己学的数学该怎么应用，等等，有人说到也可以去公司，他说那样感觉自己是个slave。这个词一出来大家都很哗然。头目们赶紧说这怎么是slave呢，你可以被equally employed，会有自己的价值和贡献的。他后来又抢了一次机会发言但是很短就被转移了。

预定的时间是一个小时，刚开始的时候都是头目们在聊，在那个男士之前只有一个女孩说了自己在生物和数学两个领域学习的经历：you need to patient and try to understand their language。头目们的主题词里有一个就是dialogue。communication is important。本来以为这个table就那样平淡地过去了只是一种形式，但是从那个男的发言之后就不同了，大家都很踊跃。

我也有很多类似的很早以前就开始的困惑。但是在这么多年之后，对于这些我无法理解的事情，我选择回避。但是看到那些三四十岁的大人像孩子一样委屈和困惑，心里还是有点触动。

这年头做啥都不容易。

因此不要再谈理想。

opportunity

"Some people dream of success, while others wake up and work hard at it."

This is the word from my laptop wallpaper. I like it.

Last night I called my god-mother (GanMa) at Beijing and talked with her about my hesitation of the future career. I am not confident whether I can become a professor and do well in it. It's my preferred target while it's not easy but very hard to be obtained. It requires not only diligence but also intelligence, while I am not with either one. I have wasted a lot of time our of study and I still can't keep myself away from wasting it. That's a shameful problem with my personality. I thought about to go to industry if I can.

My godmother encouraged me and she said that she belived that I would fulfil my goal. She is very nice to me. In fact I knew what she would tell me. I just need somebody to listen to my hesitation and make myself more self-confident.

My boss always encouraged me. He is very nice to me too. He is a famous professor in my major and has a bunch of brilliant ideas every day. My friend told me that it's a big advantage to me. Of course I know it too. My boss told me many times that I am luck to participate in good projects. And he pointed out my problem: I am often pessmistic with the results. Sometime I did think the results I got is not so promising as he said. Maybe I was just expecting too much from the work.

But anyway, I am still with that dream and hope to get the opportunity in the future.

the world is small

I met with my friend aries today. I knew her from bbs and we co-managed a board before. She graduated from the same university as me and was one year later than me.

We had brunch together and talked about our bbs experience, campus experience and others. When we were undergraduates, our dorm buildings were on the two sides of a road and faced each other. They were the only two dorm buildings in our university that lived by boys and girls respectively and faced each other. There were several times that boys went out of the dorms and sit on the road to sing loudly for the girls. And there were many beautiful stories about those two buildings and their students. Time flied. We had been away from there for about 7 and 6 years and they were destroyed and rebuilt at two years ago.

We talked about her dorm and neighbors. To my big surprise that a friend I know before lived just next to her dorm. The world is so small. I knew that girl at 8.5 years ago and the last time I saw her was about 4 years ago, the summer that I graduated from that university. I thought that I couldn't get her news any more since I lost connection with her. But now I met her college dorm neighbor. What an amazing thing.

The world is not enough. The world is small.

dream and second paper

My groupmate got the internship offer. She was so excited and I am also happy for her. It will be a good experience for her and also a good preparation for her future industrial career.

Few days ago my boss asked me whether the second potential offer if 3 months or 6 months. I told him that I just declined it. I was wondering whether he wanted me to go if it's a 3-month job, since it will cover my summer quarter only. I was a little bit regretful for my early decision. I didn't ask about the detail of that offer.

But I didn't regret much and long. My friend from New York told me that I shouldn't go for intern. He graduated from my department last year and is doing very well as a postdoc at a no. 1 institute for my major. I agreed with his suggestion. If I want to enter academia for my professional career, it would be better to do more research in my current work than going for internship in company.

Being a professor has been one of my dreams since a long time ago. But I was hesitating these days about my goal. I don't know whether I can fulfil my dream. It seems a hard and long way to get to there and I am not confident whether I can make it. If I go to the internship this summer, and if they want me to work at there after I graduate, probably I will accept their offer and I will work in industry then. It's a big company and I think their research work will be interesting to me and their pay rate is not bad at all.

Now by choosing to stay in campus in this summer I will focus on my research for sure. I hope that I can work something out and start to write my dessertation in the summer.

A good news is that my coworkers finished the draft of a paper. It's my second one and it has now been published in departmental publication lists. I am not sure whether and when it will be accepted by the journal we submitted. But at least, it's a good starting.

about internship application

just replied the guy from internship company to decline his offer and recommended my groupmate to him. few minutes later she got one email from him. he said that the reason why he sent email to ask me first "is that his resume indicates his experiences in ...", and he asked her to "tell me more about your research work".

my boss asked us this morning: why you couldn't go but got the offer while she can but not? i think the guy's email explained it somehow. this is a different position with the one we got phone interviewed at last time and they didnt know that i can't go so they reviewed our application at the same time and make the order.

i think resume and cover letter are important documents for job hunting. and of course another, maybe even more important factor is the recommendation from someone in or connecting with that company.

last year i spent one whole week in preparing my resume and cover letter, with the revising help from my advisor and career center and my friends. i longed for internship very much at that time. but since nobody recommended me, i couldnt get an offer. none of those applicants from my department got it although we are among the top in that field.

this time i also spent about half a week to prepare the resume and cover letter, although i just needed to change from my previous version. i asked my friend: can you give me your sample of colver letter? to my surprise he told me he didn't have it. he is looking for job. he said that the companies only require resume. yes i haven't seen any company asking for cover letter directly. but i think it should be useful to demonstrate myself by cover letter along with resume. after that my friend sent cl to his application too.

my groupmate wants to go to industry in the future and internship is important for her. but she is just careless or idle. she just modified her last year resume and sent to the company one day after we got the internship info. when i asked her about cover letter it's too late for her to make up it. i am not sure how important the documents play role in the application but i think at least this time it's important: the guy asked me whether i will go since "You seem to have good experiences in this area" and he asked my groupmate to describe her research more. i believe that it's not b/c i m doing better than her, but b/c she didn't show her abilities well and clearly
in her resume while i did.

today Los Alamos National Lab is looking for graduate internships from our department (via a joint program, working at our department and paid by LANL. my boss still said no to me). i helped my groupmate to revise her email. her english is pretty good but she is careless in my eyes in writing. and she still wrote in chinese mail style and she seldom checked her writing before she sent it. i asked her to be careful since she care about this application and position very much.

a bad thing about careful is wasting time. i wish i can learn to be efficient and careful in the future.

phone interview

just finished the phone interview from internship company. my first one at usa. about 25 minutes.

i am still in cold and couldnt speak clearly. my research matches their topics a little, not much. but in my eyes it's easy for me to get into theirs.

he asked me about the frontiers of my field (also theirs) and we discussed. he wanted "advanced researchers who are familiar with these work". but that's a high requirement for intern.

we talked about the difference between academia and industry research.

the problem is that they want me to go for 6 or 9 months. i cant since i need to work on my dissertation and graduate. in fact my advisor told me that he is "thinking whether it's good or not to let you go in the summer instead of working here with me". i'm also hesitated.

he asked me to think about the possibility to postpone my graduation. i dont think it's acceptable for me and my advisor. i will reply him next week.

anyway, it's a good experience for me to be interviewed.

friend came

Everyday I arrived school around 9:30am and I went to mailroom first. It happened today morning when I was sitting outside the mailroom and reading some seminar announcement. I saw a post about my friend's talk at afternoon. When I was reading it, I heard a voice coming. It's a conservation by my advisor and my friend. Then they saw me.

My advisor asked me: so you are the classmate? I answered yes. We were from the same class when we were undergraduate. After we graduated with bachelor degree, I stayed in PKU to continue my graduate study and he came directly to usa and entered graduate school. He finished his phd in four years and now he has been working as a postdoc for two and half years. He is looking for a tenure track position in my depeartment and others.

When I think about him and some other classmates, I know that I am far behind now. I cannot say that I wasted three years for the graduate study at PKU, because I did learn something there. But I didn't work hard enough after I came here. That's why I am not good now. I need to catch up.

After the talk at afternoon, my advisor asked me again: so you were in the same grade before? I said yes. He was wondering why my friend graduated at two years ago while I am not yet. He told me: well, work harder then.

I will.

I Promised Myself

I happenly saw this one from a forum and I think it's worthful to read.

I Promised Myself
by Christina D. Larson.

Today and everyday of my eternal life, I promise myself to be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person I meet.

To make my friends feel that there is something beautiful in each one of them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.

To think only the best and expect only the best. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.

To forgive and forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievement of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature I meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of myself that I have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, too happy to permit the presence of trouble. And so it is!"

答应自己
克里斯顿·拉尔森

答应自己——

将如此坚强，任何东西都不能扰乱内心的静谧

和见到的每一个人谈到的都是关于健康

幸福和舒畅

让所有的朋友都感到各有所长

任何事物都能窥见其光明的一面

使你的快乐信条处处应验

只想令人快感的事情仅盼最让人欣慰的结局

对别人的成功像对自己的成功报以同样的欢呼

忘却以往的过失，义无返顾的争取更大的建树

将永远面带一种愉悦向所有遇到的生灵送上一份可心的笑意

将如此忙于完善自己，而无暇对他人吹毛求疵

将过于豁达，不会忧郁

过于高贵，不屑动气

过于硬朗，不知畏惧

过于快活，不容心存芥蒂

back

Well, I am at LA again now. When I typed the title "back", I don't know whether it's appropriate or not, since I "back to China" and "back to LA", both "back". But it doesn't matter. I'm here again and when I saw my roommates and my bedroom, I felt that I have been back to home.

I miss my family in China. Yes, a lot now. One day ago I was being with my parents, but the plane was so fast that just after one day we are separated by the Pacific again. It's not easy to see them again in a short future. Visa is the biggest problem, and another problem is money.

About my winter vacation at China, it's fine. I went to Beijing to visit my godmother. She was so happy to see me there. But I was sorry to find that she got older a little much. She retired from her job and now spent her time in learning drawing, dancing and other. It's good for her to be kept in busy since in that way she won't feel too lonely. I wish my godmother keep a good health.

After staying at Beijing for couple days I went back to home. I am very sorry that I didn't go to the workshop at Hangzhou. I couldn't make it at that time. I took plane from Beijing to Fuzhou. My parents had been waiting at airport for more than two hours. It's the first time that my mother went to airport. She told me later that she couldn't find the airplane at airport. I asked her and my dad to come with me to Shanghai when I leave from China to LA, but they refused, saying that it's too cold to go there in winter. I know that they are economic and don't want me to spend much money.

When I saw my parents at the airport, I found that they became much older than before, especially my mother. I felt guilty for myself since I didn't care about them enough. I should go back home earlier and more often before to visit them. Although I noted later that my mother was old that day mainly because she was too tired after 3 hours ride and 2 hours waiting, I still felt that they are older than before. They did a lot of work at my hometown. They explained to me why they insisted to work so hard: you are still a student and your brother and sister and yourself need a lot of money in the coming future for marriage and housing. They are traditional Chinese parents: care about kids a lot and care about themselves too little. I told them that I am also working as a student and can afford my future and help my younger brother and sister as well. I asked them to work less and keep them more healthy. Health is the most wanted gift I want my parents to get and hold.

I didn't visit any other city after I went back home. I spent most of my time with my parents and also visited some relatives and friends. I know that it's harder to find a long vacation in the future to spend with them. I love my parents a lot. They also love me a lot. I missed an important mission in my vacation. But overall, my vacation is fine since I was so happy with my parents and they were happy too.

I am a little tired now. I just knew that tomorrow is a holiday. It's good that I can take some rest. But since this is the second week of winter quarter, I need to get over jetlag asap and catch up with my course and work. I have been away for one month. It's time to work hard now.

2005, a new year, a new life.

country road, take me home ...

well, it has been almost two months since I wrote at here last time. I just finished a very busy quarter. Tonight (I don't know whether I should say yesterday or today since it's 3am now and I am still here) I finished grading of one final exam at midnight. Thanks to my friend Eric, I can leave proctoring and grading of the other exam to him. I just updated my teaching webpage and also my homepage to say happy holiday to all my students and friends. If you happenly read this post, then my greeting is also sent to you.

Six hours later I will wake up and go to airport. From there I will return my homeland. I am sorry to my parents that I have been away from them for a very long time. I know that they are missing me very much but this time I need to go Beijing and Hangzhou first for a couple of days, before I go back home to be with them. I am missing my parents, brother and sister too.

Am I excited now because of going back home? Not exactly. I am not sure why I am still here instead of sleeping. I just found that I have many things to do before I lay down on bed.

I will stay in Beijing for three days and my schedule at there is almost full now. I need to meet with my friends such as my college classmates and my teachers, also of course, my godmother there. I also need to help my friends at here to sent their gifts to their family or friends from Beijing. And I also need to do some shopping, for my friends and I. I just bring a few sets of clothes this time since I want to buy some new ones in China, to update my closet.

Today (or yesterday, whatever, Tuesday) my advisor sent me an email about one new idea on research. I am sorry that I didnt get his email in time that I miss the meeting he asked. From him I know that to be a good or famous scholar you need to be unique: he even think about research few hours before he leaving for a conference travel. He always works so hard and a lot of new idea came out from his genius brain. It's my fourth year studying at here with him but I just learned a little so far. I need to work much harder to obtain more training. I hope that after this vacation I will start a brand new life.

Ok, it's time for sleeping. I will be in China in 24 hours. Hope that everything goes as smooth as I wish.

And happy holiday to all my friends.

back home

I just purchased the airticket for this winter trip. It's so expensive since my itinerary is in the hot season. If I can leave one week earlier or ten days later, I will save about $300 on the ticket. But it seems I don't have many choices.

My friends told me that I should regret for my decision of being TA at this quarter. I know that. Being a TA in this quarter means: lower salary (as RA I can get the highest rank of salary but as TA what I get is lowest rank), very busy and tough work (more than half-time since one class is about double of the regular capacity and the other is also full), non-flexible time schedule (which directly makes my winter vacation not flexible), boss unsatisfied (since I can't concentrate on my research completely), other students unsatisfied (since I took the position), etc. But it's my decision. I wanted to gather one more quarter teaching experience and hoped that it will help for my future work.

I felt so tired these weeks since I was so busy. Many works including my research and teaching are waiting for me. Last Sunday I spent whole day for homework grading and class notes preparation. Yes I was a little regretful when I was exhausted and when I found that the airticket is so expensive. But I cannot blame anyone or regret for any chance. What I can do is to stay firm with my choice and fulfil all the work in this quarter well. Hope that I can do that.

Boss told me that I can attend one conference in China during my vacation. But he won't support for my airfare from here to China. I didn't expect much to get the money. He said that I can get reimbursement for the airticket in China if I take American airline. But it's hard for me. So I may pay all the expense by myself. It's bad to be poor, since otherwise I will not care about the expense at all.

I chose to fly to Shanghai. It's close to my hometown. But I will also go to Beijing for a while. I plan to visit my godmother and my graduate advisor and some old friends as well in Beijing. When I thought about the coming travel back to my hometown and Beijing, I was not very excited, but somehow with a strange feeling. Maybe it's similar with a Chinese saying that "I am more and more afraid when I am getting closer and closer to the home". I miss my parents very much. And I also miss the time I spent in Beijing. I had been in Beijing for seven years and I went back to it after my first year at USA. I had so many memories with Beijing but I just couldn't recall them any more. When I was in Beijing that summer after one week, I felt lonely in my heart. It may sound rediculous to other people. But it was true. I couldn't find myself in that busy city. When I came back from Beijing to here at last time, I couldn't help tearing on the plane, since I was leaving my homeland to another country for a new life. I was so emotional at that time. Time goes by and everyday is new to me now.

Hope that I can finish all my work before my travel and then I can be free to enjoy the holiday. I am looking forward to seeing my parents and friends in China now.

visa

too busy to record.

I went to Tijuana on Friday and renewed my visa. It's simple for me at this time. My math background and luck helped me to get it easily. Now I need to plan my winter vacation to China.

teaching day

I just finished my teaching today. It's a full day work. tired ...

2a, finished two sections homework. one more to go for first assignment.
9:30a, meeting with the instructor, discussing the course, class and student performance etc.;
10a/11a, class 1;
11a/1p, office hours; in fact I finished at 1:20p;
lunch;
2p/3p, class 2.

It's the first week of this quarter and second week of my teaching and first week of office hours in this quarter. Many students came to the office hours and I didn't stop for a minute. It seems (and I strongly believe) that the homework assignment is too much for the students. They need to finish more than 20 problems each week. And it's upper division course, which is not easy for the students. Some students complained to me. But what I can is only giving some feedback to the instructors since it's them determined the homework assignment.

In the evaluation of my last teaching, the students gave me good points. But some of them complained that my teaching is too fast for them. I used 20 minutes biweekly for the quiz and I didn't have enough time for teaching my stuff. This time I am trying to slow down and explain everything in detail. But it seems that the time is still too short for my teaching. I will try to teaching less in the class and write more in the notes, with which the students can preview/review by themselves.

It's a busy and tired day. Now I need to come back for my own work.

Weekend and Monday

Yesterday:

Finally I activated my cable internet and I can get connected at home. It's so bad to send email with attachment through dial-up. But I used dial-up for more than two years and I didn't complain about the slow speed at that time. Well, it just proved again the words: easy to get used to a rich life from poor life, but hard to get used to a poor life from a rich one.

My cell phone plan expired at yesterday. I haven't decided which plan I will buy for future. At most time, cellphone is just a watch and alarm to me. But I think I can't get rid of it now.

Today:

Monday, work at school again. I met with the instructor of my TA class. He told me that it may not be legal to release the homework solutions online. But last Fall I did in that way and the instructor of that class also released some solutions to the homework assignments. I don't think it's illegal. After lunch I created the webpage for the two classes I will teach from this Thursday. I haven't started to prepare the notes for the classes. But usually in the first week (in fact, this is 0th week), I don't need to teach many in the class, because the students haven't taken any lecture classes before my class in 0th week.

Oops, I forgot to get back my I20. It's ready now. Go le.

TA assignment and etc.

I got the new TA assignment. Thanks to the help of Eric, I exchanged one class with him and I will teach two ODE classes in the coming Fall quarter. It will help me to save time in preparation. I will be busier next quarter, so the new assignment will be perfect for me.

I applied for Comcast cable TV and high speed internet. They may be ready in next week. Without internet, the life at home is different. But it doesn't affect me much. I has been so tired these days in the moving and applying services and many other work. The research duty is also heavy. I need to work harder. Last two nights I went to bed before midnight. For me, it's a early time for sleeping. So tired.

Jason and Linda moved into the new office yesterday. Now we have seven people share the new office at IPAM. I will keep the office at MS since I need to hold my office hour as TA at there. That office was crowdy since my officemate was so nice to students that he gave them lots of extra office hours. I couldn't concentrate myself in that office. That's one of the reasons I moved to IPAM.

It's weekend again. Time flies so fast. Tomorrow I will go to Santa Babara to visit a friend and his family. He was my college classmate and he went studying abroad after getting his bachelor degree. He is an assistant professor at UCSB now. Some of my college classmates are postdoc or assistant professors now. I am behind.

two things this afternoon

1. reserved an appointment for visa renewal at Mexico on Oct. 15th. somebody from UCLA will go to there at the same day.

2. got the TA assignment. same as last Fall, ODE and Numerical Analysis. I may talk with my friend and try to change NA with his ODE, so that I can teach one course only.

new address

I have moved to the new apartment. Oh, maybe I should say new address, since the apt is about 30 years old, not new. It's repainted, clean, and spacious. Not bad. The three things I am not satisfied are: the dirty laundary, small mailbox, and no fan in the kitchen.

Moving is a big project and now it's almost finished. I applied the new accounts for the gas, power, phone. I'm looking for the deal of cable tv and broadband. The life without internet is a little strange to me since I am used to living with internet, or maybe worse, addict to it. Today I sent out some rebate forms with the new address on it. And I submitted the address change in post office, updated address info for all the credit cards and etc. There're still many things I need to do, such as submitting AR-11 form, changing address in DMV, notifing my friends for the address change, etc.

But the most difficult part has already been done. It's not easy to move all the boxes, furnitures, and especially the heavy refrigerator. My previous roommate left here 21 boxes books, unbelivable lots of kitchen stuff, and bunch of kid's stuff. Thanks to the effort of my roommates and two good friends and the god, everything went smoothly. I was worried about how to put all of the stuffs in the apt since we don't have gated garage any more, but finally everything found its palce. When I was laying on my big bed (thanks to Wei Zhu for this gift), I felt so relaxed: hum, this is my new place now.

The new quarter is coming. I haven't received the assignment for the TA work. But I'm hopefully to teach ODE again. I prepared detail notes last Fall when I taught this course. It will help me to save time and be more efficiently. I want to be a good TA, that's why I choose TAship this quarter instead of RAship. Hope that I will have enough time and energy on both my teaching and research. I am working in a new office which is close to the office of my advisor. It "helps to keep me pushed".

New address, new quarter, new beginning.

911

Today:

(1) the 3rd anniversary of Sept. 11.

(2) I am moving out of the place where I have been for 33 months to a new place. It's hard to say goodbye ... I haven't applied telephone and cable TV and internet for the the new apartment. I'll have a life away from internet at this weekend.

going home

My friend told me that she booked one airticket to China today. I am also thinking about going back home this winter. And it's time to book the ticket for affordable price.

I planed several times before for the travel back to home. But, I changed all of the plans. My young sister told me in kidding: "don't tell us that you plan to come back in the coming holiday, you have already made us disappointed too many times". My bad ...

Now I am seriously thinking of the travel in this winter. I can not get every thing as good as I expected. In the verse, many things are not good to me. I will be TA in Fall quarter so I can't leave early (possible, if the instructors allow me to ask my friends work as me temporarily, but too complicated). The Fall quarter will end at Dec 17th, which is Friday. And I may only be able to leave from Dec 18th. The airticket will be expensive since it's close to X'mas. And the worse is that the holiday will be very short. The Winter quarter will start from Jan 6th. But I plan to come back a little later, if I will be RA in winter as scheduled.

Another thing is about visa renewal. I am not sure whether I can find someone else going together to TJ to renew the visa. If not, I have to renew it in China. And I may go to Beijing or Guangzhou or Shanghai. I haven't decided my destination yet. I am not worry much about the possibility of being checked in visa renewal, but if I go to renew in China, I have to spend several days in another city before I go back home. The holiday will be even shorter.

So many things are undetermined. But no matter what will happen, I will go back home this time. My advisor told me at last month after he came back from a conference in China: you should go back to take a look, China has changed a lot. I know it. And I don't want to make my parents and friends disappointed again. After I graduate and start working, I will have even less chance to go back China, not only because of the length of holiday period, but also because of the difficulty of renewing visa for Chinese.

I am planning to set down my schedule and book the airticket soon.

three years ago

I arrived LAX at noon of Sept. 7th. Wow, I have already been in USA for three years. But I cannot say how much I have learned at here. I was just lazy and I didn't work hard enough.

At that summer I missed the summer school which started from August. It's a review course for the new Basic exam. I thought the exam is just piece of cake for me. But I didn't eat it well. I failed at the first time since I didn't prepare well and most of the questions are from my freshman courses. What a shame that I failed in such an easy exam. I dared not tell my friends. It's good that finally I passed it with a high score at the second chance.

There's an earthquake at the second day after I came here. I am not sure whether my first SPEAK exam is on Sept. 11th or 12th. It should be on 11th since no one worked on 12th. Sept. 11th, what a special date. I still remember that in the morning I called my friend in China as usual and was told: TWO PLANES CRASHED INTO THE WTC!!! Astonished? Not at the beginning. I just couldn't believe it. How could I? I turned on the TV. All the channels were in live show. Astonished! I woke up the other two roommates and we were all shocked. I went to school and then took the exam. I was not nervous in the exam at all since I knew I would fail in the first try, as my friends told me. I remembered that after the exam I sent an email in media room of the library.

It happened three years ago. I have been here for three years. No time can be reversed. But when I look back into the past, some of them seem to happen just at yesterday. Last night I watched CNN. It was broadcasting the terrorist tragedy which happened at Russia few days ago. What a tragedy! Terrorists killed women and children. They are so cruel and inhumane. All the terrorists should be annihilated forever from this world. I talked with my roommate. There may be one person felt happy for this tragedy. That's GWB. He will say: see, what I attacked on terrorism is correct. This may help him to win the Vote 2004.

September is a special month for me since there're some special events happened to me. I am not good in memorizing but every time when I found it's "the date", I recalled something happened before. But, no time can be reversed. All the memories belong to the past. Life goes on and on.

I just realized that 10 years ago, in the morning of Sept. 7th, I arrived Beijing for the first time. What a special date for me!

Hope that I will have many better than better Septembers.

pictures from Beijing

Today I got an email from my GanMa (godmother). She sent me some pictures taken by her recently. They remind me the fall of Beijing. In the university I attended, there were some beautiful pools full of water lily at this season. (I think it's on August, not September). The waterlily is so beautiful that many students sit around the pool at this season. I am not sure whether I will visit Beijing this winter or go back to home directly. But Beijing is always a special city in my memory.


water lily in the Summer Palace, Beijing, China, taken at September 2004


Sunset, Beijing. taken at September 2004

moving

I got the keys for my new apt at this morning. Now I am ready to move. I plan to move some boxes (of books) first and then move the furniture at this weekend.

This Labor's day is really a labor day for me. My roommates and I packed the books which belong to my previous roommate. Those books filled 20 medium size boxes! And not all, there's still one shelf we didn't notice. The book boxes are so heavy that we plan to move by ourselves before the weekend, when our friends will come to help us for moving.

Now I need to sell the bookshelves. I also want to sell my desktops but I don't think anyone will give me a good price. I have one laptop and two desktops at home. Too much and I seldom used them. I set one desktop as Linux server.

Moving is not easy. Many things are waiting to be done ahead. Packaging, cleaning, U-haul, etc. …

pictures posted via picasa hello

It's convenient to post pictures via Picasa Hello. I started to use it from today and put some of the old pictures here.


Water Tower Place, Chicago. taken at April 2003.


Michigan lake, Chicago, taken at April 2003.


NYC. taken at April 2003.


The city I am living in, taken at April 2003. Back from east coast.


Castaic lake. CA. taken at June 2004. BBQ.


Royce Hall, UCLA. taken at August 2004. Hooding ceremony of my friends.

craigslist

Since I will move at next weekend, I need some moving boxes. Today I checked craigslist.com and I found some info in the free stuff board. I was so happy that one lady answered my call and told me that I could get her moving boxes for free. I took it with my friends.

I think American people are nice, at least sometimes. I saw many free stuff info at cragslist. People can throw away their used boxes or other stuffs directly and easily. But sometime they don't. They post the info online and other people who need those stuffs can go and take it, for free. There're some really nice people. I am so grateful for the generosity of that lady. We gave her a Chinese gauze scarf as thank-you gift.

I got to know cragislist few weeks ago. I checked the housing info at there. It helped to find the apt I will move to soon. Thanks to the facility of internet and the nice people.

The link of cragslist: http://www.craigslist.com/

returned to the court

Tonight I went to play tennis with my friends. I had been away from the court for a long time. My racket is still being in my friend's trunk. I left it there at more than one year ago. I am just too lazy.

Now I am glad that I went back to the court and took the exercise. Last summer I played tennis with my former roommate very occasionally. My favorite sport is badminton. But the court in campus requires an additional payment since it is summer quarter now and I am not registered in summer. I am longing for the coming of new quarter when I can play badminton again. This time I have a lot of shuttlecocks.

earthquake?

People are talking about the possible earthquake these days. It has been predicted that a big earthquake (6.2) will come to Los Angeles in this long weekend. Although I don't believe it much and I am not worried about it, I hope it won't come true at all.

Again, the word by Mahatma Gandhi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/5909167/